2009 brings out the pimp in voters

I read somewhere that among issues that are key to today’s voters, God, guns and gays took a back seat to the economy. Healthcare, whether the Democrats want to admit it or not, is barely a blip on the radar. Who wants to live a long, healthy, HOMELESS life? I’ve got no job and no home, but I’ve got government run healthcare insurance. Woopee!

This Tuesday, the voters spoke up and gave what is commonly known as a b*** slap to the Democratic party. A b*** slap is when a pimp slaps you hard enough to feel the pain, but not disfigure you. It’s meant to get your attention and motivate you to work a little harder on the track. The DNC got the taste smacked out their mouths in NJ and VA.

America’s political landscape is comprised of Democrats, Republicans and Independents, who are a part of smattering of (previously thought) inconsequential parties like the Marijuana Party, Green Party and their ilk. If I had to draw a character profile of Democrats, I’d say there were not unlike a clueless Alpharetta housewife, with her pearls and highlights, begging her children to do as she bids and ultimately bribing them with a warm cookie and glass of milk. She makes more promises to those kids than a crack whore trying to score, and the only way to deliver on those promises is to take (or steal) money from her rich Alpharetta husband (the tax payer). Republicans are more a dirty SWAT team. They come charging into your home, throw down your 80 year old, wheel chair bound grandmother, ransack her house and plant 800 kilos of coke in her kitchen…saying they heard there was a disturbance and it was their American duty to protect the neighborhood and, dangit, the country from your scourge of a grandmother!

And then there are the Independents.

Leaderless and fickle, you never know what they’re going to do. At least the two major parties have a profile you can pretty much bank on. You can’t predict what an Independent is going to do…but if 2009 has shown us anything, you better not mess with their money!

On the brilliant (and now defunct) Dave Chappelle show, Dave and Wayne Brady did a parody of Training Day. Wayne drove Dave up to a corner where Wayne’s ho’s were faithfully earning money for him.

“Evenin’ daddy,” one ho said.
“Dave – ho’s, ho’s – Dave,” Wayne said in introduction.

One by one they came to give him tribute, until the last pro handed Wayne a single $100 bill. Wayne flipped it several times in his hand before finally shaking it in the girls face.

“Mr. Franklin is feelin’ kinda lonely,” he said. Is Wayne Brady going to have to smack a b***??!? he asked incredulously.

Dave Chappelle was appalled.
That’s exactly what Independents asked the DNC this Tuesday.

“You mean you spent $787 billion to save or create 150,000 jobs?? When there are millions of unemployed people, me being one of them??”


And just like that, two politicians the Obama has stumped for this October lost their seats.

Hopefully, both parties will recognize that they better start working on getting America’s pockets fat again, or they’ll be out of a job. As my sister said “I could give a damn about a Republican or Democrat candidate. I’m voting for the one with a plan.”

I guess Washington is really no different then a corner. Cash is king, and that unassuming man with the Jehri curl lurking in the corner is running the show!