It's GREAT to be White in the USA

Man. I’ve always known you had a good thing going if you were born White in America. For a while, it was good to be born anything but Black in America…However thanks to 9/11, Arabs and Muslims have taken our place as the lepers of society (thanks guys!).

White people earn more, they generally have better homes and schools (unless they live in West Virginia), they set the standard for “beauty” in the media. But when a White can have 8 kids and get her own tv show, and 5 years later get a weave and it becomes headline news, we’re taking this thing too far. Yes folks, I’m talking about Kate Gosslin.

If a Black woman had approached TLC and said ” ‘Ey! I got a story for your network. Me and my 8 kids, we just gonna live life and I can show you my scruggles (struggles) and yo’ crews can film us. People will watch! We can call it Shaquan Plus 8, Minus 7 Baby Daddies. The title is mathematical too. Hello? TLC? Are you there??”

But Kate and Jon Gosslin, her little green eyed Korean husband approach the network, and suddenly millions of viewers are tuning in to see what she and the kids are going to do today. Like she’s the first woman to raise 8 kids!?!? That sh*t happens in the ghetto everyday. If I want to see a woman loose her mind because 16 little feet are following her everywhere she goes, I’ll open my front door and peek my head outside. Now it’s cool to have 8 kids all at once? Oh! And she gets paid to go ape on her kids! It’s just not fair.

Even worse than that is this whole weave business. I woke up at 1:30 am last week to watch my infomercials and eat cereal (just like I’m doing now) only to stop on HLN. What do I see but AJ Hammer excitedly gabbing on about Kate Gosslin’s new hair-do featured on People magazine.

“Stick around folks, you aren’t gonna want to miss this,” he drooled.

So I took the bait. I stopped channel surfing and waited for them to come back from commercial break. What I saw astounded me. Kate Gosslin had tracks.

AJ Hammer and Brooke Anderson were thrilled, I tell you, thrilled!

“New year, new Kate!” they both exclaimed. On and on the went about her hair and how it took 20 hrs to put in and cost upwards of $5K. Do you know how many hours Black women spend in the salon putting in weaves and how much rent money has gone toward that effort? I could poke my head out of the door right now and see 12 $5,000 weaves walk by. That sh*t happens in the ghetto every day I tell you! Do WE get a cover on People? No. We don’t even get to be featured on Creative Loafing. Never heard of it, have you? That’s because their of of business.

Kudos to you Kate, and every other bleached blond white woman out there. You’ve taken this good to be White thing to a whole ‘nother level. If I had a hat, I’d doff it…but you’d probably take that away from me and make it “cool” too.