May 2010 - Mind of Malaka

Becoming "That" Mother

Posted on May 30, 2010
by Malaka
with 4 Comments

Anyone who has spent any amount of time in a grocery store, a parking lot, a laundromat, or any public place has witnessed the antics of "that" mother. You know: The one who goes berserk because her kid was running unchaperoned down the aisle and…

Motherhood

This week, a Roq Star was born

Posted on May 26, 2010
by Malaka
with 5 Comments

When my sister told me that she was pregnant last September, I was pretty sure she was lying. It's hard to trust any one of my siblings - We all have a cruel sense of humor and every year we engage in a 9 month…

Say what??

…And Then Suddenly You're Dry Humping the Fry Cook at Taco Bell

Posted on May 25, 2010
by Malaka
with 6 Comments

The other night a friend of mine called me at about 10:30 pm, obviously pissed. "Write me something amusing and sarcastic on being a single woman," she commanded. "I need a laugh." Understand that I go to bed at 8:30 these days. The fact that…

Madness

Douche Bag Drama – Part 2

Posted on May 25, 2010
by Malaka
with 5 Comments

Retta's DEETS So: I woke up on May 21st ready for my date with Drama to ensue around 1:15pm, the scheduled time of my daughter's event. What happened instead was quite unexpected and quite the opposite of my expectations. I prepared myself for a rather…

Motherhood

Built to Make Babies

Posted on May 20, 2010
by Malaka
with 7 Comments

In the world of reproductive activity there are 3 types of women. There are those who are barren and will never have children: In fact, some are so allergic to their mate's semen that they break out in rashes upon seminal contact. Then there are those in…

Madness

Douche Bag Drama – Part 1

Posted on May 20, 2010
by Malaka
with 3 Comments

Silly me for thinking that this summer was going to start off on a positive and drama-free note. I drove my daughter up to school today, excited that she had gotten through the year with relatively few set backs. Tomorrow is the last day of…

Madness

Trying to Raise a Socially Decent Child

Posted on May 18, 2010
by Malaka
with 0 Comments

I wanted to do a happy-happy post today; I did. But this is the second day in a row I've been called into my daughter's school to discuss her "attitude" since she got back from her douche bag sire's house this weekend. I swear, it's…

Marriage

What a Happy Anna-vuh-sary!

Posted on May 17, 2010
by Malaka
with 15 Comments

Man, I'm so giddy I can't even spell the word! This Friday, Marshall and I celebrated 5 years of wedded bliss. It's been fantastic for me, but I don't know how great it's been for him. I am a certified basket case after all. *Chortle!*…

Say what??

Caught in the Oprah Effect

Posted on May 13, 2010
by Malaka
with 3 Comments

Man. That daggone Oprah. There I was, Monday afternoon minding my own business watching the Oprah show. It's one of the few pleasures I have every blessed day. Monday's episode was all about Harpo Hook Ups, where the Harpo team goes out and makes dreams…

Madness

Jehova's Little Troll

Posted on May 11, 2010
by Malaka
with 5 Comments

An old co-worker of mine has a friend named Barbara who has a 30 year old son with Down's Syndrome. His name is LT. One day, Barbara left for work as usual and left LT at home to his own devices. It was a typical…