Douche Bag Drama – Part 1

Silly me for thinking that this summer was going to start off on a positive and drama-free note.

I drove my daughter up to school today, excited that she had gotten through the year with relatively few set backs. Tomorrow is the last day of school, and my mind was filled with all the possible activities we’d be doing. There was the ice-cream social, a possible song and dance the kids would perform, and then a graduation ceremony right after.  As I pulled up to car pool, Ms. Lyndsey, the assistant director for her pre-school greeted me pleasantly. What she revealed to me net was not on my mental agenda.

“Good morning!” she said.

“Hey! You look pretty today.”

“Yeah, I wore make up for a change. But I didn’t do my hair.”

“Hey, it’s one or the other,” I joked.

“Yeah…By the way, your ex called up here the other day. Cour-Courtney?”

“Yeah,” I said tersely. “Courtney.”

“Well he asked about the celebration on Friday…and I told him about it…”

Her voice trailed of. She looked apologetic. My daughter stood tensely at her side. I tried to keep the steel out of my eyes.

“Oh. OK,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant. Inside I was fuming. “Well, we will be bringing sprinkles!”

“Everyone loves sprinkles,” she returned, also trying to sound light hearted.

I kissed my girl good-bye and got in the car. What a $%(&ing DOUCHE BAG!!! Is his presence needed at the school that day? No. Is it his weekend?? No!! Will he bring drama? Abso-frickin-lutely.

Douche Bag Franklin is a juvenile and easier to read than Mother Goose. Here is how I anticipate the day will go tomorrow:

He will show up early, with some moderately attractive woman between the age of 35-42 that he’s porking this month. She will be a size 10-12 with saggy boobs supported by a really good bra and will either have a weave or a perm with a side-part and hair tucked behind her ears. She may even come with her own child. He will attempt to monopolize all of Nadjah’s time during the event and for the sake of keeping up appearances in front of his “date”, will work the room, attempting to be a charming and involved “father”. He will then make a move to take all of her school work that she’s accumulated over the year home with him, and then benevolently offer to share it with me when classes are dismissed. For my part, I will watch him with amusement from the other side of the room, enjoying my punch and ice-cream.

I’ll let you know tomorrow how the day actually goes. Lets see if I’m a soothsayer.