I'm super geeked to launch my new Mind of Malaka STORE! Check out my latest products and creations!
Say what??

Sir? May I Lend You My Balls?

About 2 weeks ago, Chris Brown was scheduled to have a concert in the UK and was denied a visa entry into the country. He immediately got on Twitter and lamented over his professional woes by saying no one would give him a second chance, blah blah. He blamed his tanking career on radio stations refusing to play his music and his fans for not buying his records. Then he ended his Twitter bitch tirade on June 7th by saying “think ima go away!!!”



I was never a Chris Brown fan in the first place, and even less so after he beat Rhianna to a pulp. What? Because she said some hurtful things to him? Because she threw his keys out the car window? Whatever dude. Grow some balls and learn how to trash talk back when a girl is ragging on you. Or better yet, let me lend you my gonads, seeing as mine are hairier and heavier than most young men’s lurking in our society today. You get no sympathy from me because your career is in ruins and you couldn’t finish up “Man in the Mirror” at the BET awards. That’s right. Take a good long hard look at the man in the mirror and return to the music scene when that boy staring back actually becomes a man.

What has got my knickers in a knot? As usual, I am SO glad you asked.

I have spent the last month or so ferrying my daughter’s daycare teacher to and from work, as she has no car. As is to be expected, two Black women have plenty to chatter about during the morning rush hour. The other day, she recounted a story so vile, I was ready to head out and ram my car into the first thug I saw on the street. Here’s how the story went:

Girl. The other day I was walking with my son on Holcomb Bridge and saw this young couple arguing in the parking lot. The little girl couldn’t have been more than 16 or 17, and the dude was a little thug, y’know. Well, she was holding a baby, and as she opened her mouth to say something, this little punk punches her dead in her face with the baby in her arms.

“Say something else,” he said. “Say something else bitch, and I’ll f*ck you up like I did last night.”

The girl stood there sniffling and crying. Well, I didn’t have no cell phone, so I couldn’t call the police and I just had to keep walking. Like I said, I had my son with me.

Wait a minute. In a parking lot? At Taco Bell? In broad day light?? And NO ONE came to this girl’s defense? I was furious. Now, seeing as this had happened days before, these people were phantoms and there was no way I was going to be able to search out this low life myself. So when I got home, I went looking for the next best thing: Reassurance from my husband that if I ever witnessed such a thing, it was okay for me to hit the dude with my car.

“No,” he said. “You can’t do that.”

“But babe. This poor girl had a baby in her arms. What kind of a bitch n*gga hits a girl with a baby in her arms??”

He stared blankly at me.

“Ok. What if I came home and told you what I saw. Would you head over there and straighten that little punk out?”

He looked at me like it was a ridiculous question.

“No. And go to jail over some thug? Nuh uh. Our society is too quick to sue.”

“Ok. So what if it was one of our girls?” I asked.

“Well then that’s a different story. I’d lay him flat.”

“Ok. So what if he punched me?”

“Well then he’d be dead, and then I’d go to jail.”

“So what if this little girl has no father, no brothers, nobody at all to look out for her? And you’re there and can do something about it? Is she just supposed to take it on the chin??”

He sighed.

“Malaka. It’s one thing if I was there and saw the dude hitting her. It’s another for you to come home to tell me about it and then for me to head out there to hit the guy.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be.”


About 2 years ago,  John Quiñones did a special on ABC concerning the very same topic. The segment was called “What would you do?” if you saw someone being bullied, discriminated against, etc.  In one scene, a couple was arguing in the park. The scores of  passers-by witnessing the scene seemed uncomfortable, but kept jogging/walking, not wanting to get involved. When the actors were instructed to escalate the intensity, the man grabbed the woman and started screaming in her face, presumably about to hit her. A middle aged White guy walked up to him, pulled him aside and said there was “a time and a place for everything” and that if he wanted to hit her to do so at home. Eventually, it was a woman that stepped in and asked the female actress if this man was bothering her and refused to leave her side, even as the man continued to spew  insults in a verbal rampage. The stranger threatened to call the cops, and that’s when the ABC team came out and revealed it was all fictional.

It took a woman to stop a man from beating up another woman in public.

So I’ll ask again: Are there any men who need me to lend them my balls? Because it takes a real pussy to beat up on a woman (if she hasn’t hit him first) and puss-cake to walk by and let it happen.

This article has 12 comments

  1. global-cnp.org

    Thank you for this post.
    Like you, I think people ought to take responsibility for their actions, whether male or female. And I agree that if you see people being hurt, you should at least get the police involved.
    Unlike you, I am equally disappointed with your friend for not going into the Taco Bell or getting to a pay phone to call the police.
    More important, I think fighting violence with violence is a failure from the start. It doesn’t teach abusers or bullies that their actions are wrong. It just teaches them that they should make sure they’re the biggest bully in the room/on the scene.

    • Malaka

      I agree with most of what you said, save for a few points:

      Personally, I haven’t seen a working pay phone outside of a train station or airport terminal in the last 6+ years, so I can’t fault my friend for not seeking one.

      Secondly, I find that offering bullies cupcakes and sensitivity training rarely resolves their issues…at least in my neck of the woods. In addition, men who beat up women and vice versa are not “bullies”; they’re batterers. And batterers are more apt to kowtow to equal or greater force.

      But hey! I’m just some African chick. All that I know about violence and conflict ‘resolution’ was instilled in me by our colonial masters. You know, when they could have used non-violence to take over our lands, but didn’t. – Because employing Western cerebral reasoning would have worked just as well.

      • global-cnp.org


        Speaking as someone whose ancestors also lived under colonial rule, I believe in adopting wisdom, no matter where it originated.

        In any case, I called these batterers the broader term of bully precisely because of what you said, “they are more apt to kowtow to equal or greater force.”

        At the same time, force doesn’t have to mean physical force. Force could translate into the strength to walk away from an abusive relationship. It could be the courage to interfere in a situation where someone is being abused. It could also mean taking the time and energy to teach an abuser the meaning of personal responsibility….

        In any case, I think fighting violence with violence fails in that it highlights violence as the only solution, rather than offering the batterer another outlet for her/his frustrations/anger.

  2. runrettarun

    That is so unfortunate! I would have called the police so fast. I agree w/ you that it takes a pussy man to beat up a woman. So many people stay out of others’ “business” out of fear of being sued, etc. That poor girl and her baby!

    You don’t know how many times I have called the police over stuff like that or if I see someone driving around & their child isn’t in a car seat.

    • Malaka

      You go RRR!

      You’ll have to forgive me for the contracted response. I’m off to your blog to get some health tips. Feeling fat and weary today.

  3. Retta @ RunRettaRun

    OK so you are the ONLY one to comment on me eating my dog! No one likes a good Asian & dog joke these days!

    • Malaka

      Pshaw! People are too sensitive these days. Like nobody appreciates a good African & lion/tiger/bear/ride a zebra to school joke these days either. Ahh Retta. We are indeed kindred spirits. You’re a NUT. Har-har!!!

  4. David S.

    Reminds me of that Brother Ali song where he confronted his neighbor over his spousal abuse and they ended up fighting and he (Ali) ended up in jail after the abusee called the cops on him.

    Would I step in if I saw someone yelling at a female and being abusive? Yes. I have before and even though I was scared shitless, I would do it again. Would I intervene physically? Only to seperate them. Would I hit him? In the times I’ve had to intervene in situations like that I’ve never hit someone and I’m not about to start. Punishing him is for the police to do when they get there. I’ve seen enough abuse situations to know that the minute I let my anger take over and punish him on her behalf, will be the minute the abusee turns on me and ends up testifying against me in court. As angry as domestic violence makes me, I know that acting on my anger helps no one, least of all the abusee. In many of the cases I’ve observed she goes back to him, and if she goes back to him after I’ve administered a beatdown, then she’s going to suffer his retaliation for the beating he suffered at my hands. There are ways to help victims of domestic violence, and calling the police is definetly one of them (especially if it occurs in public with witnesses), but chanelling your anger definetly isn’t.

  5. David S.

    Okay Malaka I want you to close your eyes for a second. You are sitting at the wheel of your car ready to run someone down. Now imagine that right in front of your car is … the woman you just saw getting hit. Because thats who you are really about to hit with your car. Because whatever you do to the abuser, that (or God forbid worse) is what is going to happen to his victim later on. Running someone over may make YOU feel better, but don’t delude youself into believing it actually helps her. There ARE ways to help victims of domestic abuse, for example giving time to a battered woman’s shelter. But attacking an abuser is a selfish way to handle the situation because all it does is make you feel better at the expense of the woman who is being abused.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.