What Makes a Husband?

Or for that matter, what makes a wife?  The question of what makes a ‘good spouse’ is really one I’d like some input on from you guys. I have spent some time talking to newlywed wives (and not so newlyweds) who appear to be in a state of flux as far as their marriages are concerned. These women, who in many cases have made sacrifices for the sake of their husbands and their marriages, are furious and about ready to call it quits.

“He has NO idea how to be a husband.”

“He came in to this marriage with far more baggage than I realized.”

His family is NOTHING but drama!”

“I’m not trying to raise him AND my child.”


As someone who was about to walk out on my husband a two Christmases ago, I completely understand where these women are coming from.  I cannot confess that husband did not and does not know how to be a husband – on the contrary I felt like he was being too much of a husband, in that he was smothering me with all his ‘male-ness’. I am a fiercely independent person who bucks under the weight of any appearance of authoritarian rule. I felt like my husband was stifling me and trying to control me, and (unwisely) made the impromptu decision to leave him on Christmas Eve without really talking through our issues…this being after he made it clear that I could go if I liked, but I would have to leave his kids. I looked at him like he’d lost his mind. His kids?? I laid on that table and got cut open so the doctor could snatch those rug urchins out!

I digress.

The rest is history of course, and we now have the foundation of a strong and (I hope) everlasting marriage.  It’s a foundation, because your marriage, just like mine, is something that is continually built upon – it’s not a McMansion that comes fully furnished after you say “I do”. Every day you add features or take away items from that building until you get something that you both can be proud of. For the women who are facing crises so early in their marriage, I confess I have no real answers. But I can say that they are not alone – and I can recommend that both they and their spouse go back to the reasons that they decided to strut down a church aisle and spend $20,000 on a cake and dress in the first place. It could be that their reasons were all wrong, or that they’ve forgotten them in the first place.

So guys… your thoughts? Whether you’re married, single, divorced or about to get married, share with us: What makes for a good wife/husband? Some might say that I’m a bad wife because I don’t cook, but I make up for it other ways – And those ways are none of your business.  😉