Cut the Coonery

*Warning* If you are easily offended, NOW would be a good time to stop reading. Still reading? Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


Uncle Ruckus and I have one thing in common: We both hate niggers. Well, that’s not entirely true. Uncle Ruckus hates all Black people and I hate niggers. And I’m not the only Black person alone who harbors that hate. Chris Rock has a whole stand-up routine on the subject. You know who niggers are. The ones who set the entire race back 115 years when they open their mouths or make any sort of  appearance on TV or the radio. Shucking, and jiving, and jigging and telling the rest of us that this niggery is the new “cool” and their coonish ways are none of our concern. Like their “cool” doesn’t affect the perception of the rest of us.

It’s exhausting.

I know it’s Black History Month and I’m supposed to be writing about all the marvelous Black things that Black people have done…but how can I when niggers keep messing it up for the rest of us? Their niggerdom casts such a large shadow over the marginal gains that the rest of us have achieved. It’s really frustrating and disheartening.

I once thanked my White friends for being White, adding that “90% of my problems are caused by Black people.” I should have qualified that better. 90% of my problems are caused by NIGGERS. When I want good customer service, I generally have to ask a White person for it. When I want efficiency -> White folk. When I want accuracy? -> You guessed it! White folk again. How many times have you gone to a Black establishment and they’ve been out of what you want? How many times have you needed a government document (the US government being one of the largest employer of dark folk) and been told that it’s lost, has not been received, or is “pending”? You want to know why it’s pending? Because your application is serving as a coffee coaster for some English butchering, burgundy weave wearing, gum popping, what? You said it, not me: NIGGER.

Ugh. I can’t stand it.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been burned by lazy coons. I mean it can be anything from just simply getting my hair done to a life and death situation. I’ve had niggers totally mess up my braids and then declare that “this too is a nice style!” I didn’t ask for ‘this’ style. This is not what I showed you in the book! Most recently, I applied for health insurance only to be turned down. Why? Because the lazy crack whore I was dealing with entered the wrong code. So now “Jennifer” has to redo the work “Charmita” should have done in the first place. Do you know I’ve actually had to stop a conversation in the middle of a customer service call and tell the chick to go get me someone White to handle my call? No seriously. Everyone has bad days at work, but at least White people (with fewer exceptions) know how to handle the call and THEN cuss you once they’ve hung up.

Hey! You reading this…Are you mad? Well you should be. And you can go ahead and redirect all your anger and re-channel it towards an effort in lessoning the niggerdom in the world. It might help the globe spin a little faster if some nigger ways weren’t causing so much drag. The weight of all that niggery is probably what has the constellations out of line, jacking up everyone’s 2011 horoscopes. Now look at you. You were born a Capricorn and now you’re a Sagitarious.

White Power!