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Cut the Coonery

*Warning* If you are easily offended, NOW would be a good time to stop reading. Still reading? Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


Uncle Ruckus and I have one thing in common: We both hate niggers. Well, that’s not entirely true. Uncle Ruckus hates all Black people and I hate niggers. And I’m not the only Black person alone who harbors that hate. Chris Rock has a whole stand-up routine on the subject. You know who niggers are. The ones who set the entire race back 115 years when they open their mouths or make any sort of  appearance on TV or the radio. Shucking, and jiving, and jigging and telling the rest of us that this niggery is the new “cool” and their coonish ways are none of our concern. Like their “cool” doesn’t affect the perception of the rest of us.

It’s exhausting.

I know it’s Black History Month and I’m supposed to be writing about all the marvelous Black things that Black people have done…but how can I when niggers keep messing it up for the rest of us? Their niggerdom casts such a large shadow over the marginal gains that the rest of us have achieved. It’s really frustrating and disheartening.

I once thanked my White friends for being White, adding that “90% of my problems are caused by Black people.” I should have qualified that better. 90% of my problems are caused by NIGGERS. When I want good customer service, I generally have to ask a White person for it. When I want efficiency -> White folk. When I want accuracy? -> You guessed it! White folk again. How many times have you gone to a Black establishment and they’ve been out of what you want? How many times have you needed a government document (the US government being one of the largest employer of dark folk) and been told that it’s lost, has not been received, or is “pending”? You want to know why it’s pending? Because your application is serving as a coffee coaster for some English butchering, burgundy weave wearing, gum popping, what? You said it, not me: NIGGER.

Ugh. I can’t stand it.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been burned by lazy coons. I mean it can be anything from just simply getting my hair done to a life and death situation. I’ve had niggers totally mess up my braids and then declare that “this too is a nice style!” I didn’t ask for ‘this’ style. This is not what I showed you in the book! Most recently, I applied for health insurance only to be turned down. Why? Because the lazy crack whore I was dealing with entered the wrong code. So now “Jennifer” has to redo the work “Charmita” should have done in the first place. Do you know I’ve actually had to stop a conversation in the middle of a customer service call and tell the chick to go get me someone White to handle my call? No seriously. Everyone has bad days at work, but at least White people (with fewer exceptions) know how to handle the call and THEN cuss you once they’ve hung up.

Hey! You reading this…Are you mad? Well you should be. And you can go ahead and redirect all your anger and re-channel it towards an effort in lessoning the niggerdom in the world. It might help the globe spin a little faster if some nigger ways weren’t causing so much drag. The weight of all that niggery is probably what has the constellations out of line, jacking up everyone’s 2011 horoscopes. Now look at you. You were born a Capricorn and now you’re a Sagitarious.

White Power!  

This article has 10 comments

  1. runrettarun

    Oh. My. God. Girl you are INSANE but you know I love it! I love that episode of Chappelle Show. So when you asked for a white person, what did Charmita say?

  2. Malaka

    Nothing. 45 seconds later I was talking to a manager who solved my problem. And yes, he was White.

  3. Allison

    Malaka, please get out of my brain. I find myself wondering on a daily basis when lazy, loud, ignorant and lackadaisical became synonyms for “being Black.” Why people who should be just about the proudest race out there think so little of themselves that speaking properly and having ambition equals “trying to be White.” Really? Hell, even got white folks thinking it.

  4. Khadija

    Man this is soooooooooo true! Is it in the DNA cause Ghanaians got niggerdom too. Is it a recessive or dominant gene? Hmmmm… I think it skips some of us we are lucky to be efficient and responsible…. Black folks with niggerdom don’t like working and are always the first to ask where is my damn money after doing a lowsy job or even before completing the job.
    I think niggerdom in on a whole nother level in Ghana though, maybe more concentrated because of lack of accountability and no White alternative to call upon. One incident happened a 37 Military hospital where a woman was pregnant went into labor and had to have an emergency c-section. In the middle of the operation guess what happened?… Fucking lights off!!! Can you imagine?!!! The woman ended up not surviving. Whatever happened to a hospital having a running automatic generator for such things. I mean hotels and universities all over Ghana have them. Or let me guess her husband, family or the woman herself probably didn’t dash the hospital staff anything before going into operation to keep them motivated to save the life of her and her baby. Ahbah!

    • Malaka

      Can’t help it Allison. Your head is where I live.

      The thing about niggers is that no one expects better of them and they don’t have enough sense to expect better of themselves. That’s why they can walk around with their pants dragging on the floor and turn around when someone hollers out “Yo, nigga!” to see if it’s a friend. If you had any common sense, would you turn around and look to see who was calling you a derogatory term? As if it was YOUR NAME?

      I can’t speak for the whole of Africa, but I can definitely speak for Ghana when I say the cities are rife with niggerdom. They are ALWAYS the ones who want to get paid first, especially if they’ve done a shoddy job. It’s as if excellence is the exception and not the rule. Oh you can get efficiency and good customer service in Ghana…if you’re willing to pay a premium. If you show up on time and your other party is late, they grin sheepishly and admonish you for being on “White man’s time”. As though the minute and second hands on each of our watches has less melanin than the other. Tsweeeaaaa! When it comes to Ghana, it’s better to venture out into the rural areas if you want a job well done. They are the only people with any integrity and work ethic. You see how the so-called ‘best and brightest’ are running the country – no consistently electricity, no national airline, not enough food to feed the masses…do I really need to go on?

  5. Morocco

    Sad, but true. I hate it though.

  6. A-dub

    I think what we all need to take away from this is that black and nigger/nigga/niggah are not the same – and are not synonymous. You can deal with black folks with minimum effort. However, when it comes to niggers you have to change your whole mindset – you have you have an out-of-body moment where you become a nigger as well in order to see any kind of action. Unfortunately if you have too many of these out-of-body experiences you also become a nigger as well – which is why not only black folks are niggers in my book. Chinese people are steadily rising up the ladder in niggerdom. What I hate the most is that they’ve put niggers in places of power – where you rely on them to actually get things done. Think about it – seriously people, with our advances in technology do things really need to take 4 – 6 weeks? Nope – its lazy @$$ niggers who make it take that long. They could get the job done in 1 -2 weeks but then what time would they have to slack off???? I could go on and on, but I am sure you catch my drift.

    I will leave with this final comment. Although you may have to enter Niggerdom once in a while DON’T STAY TOO LONG…Get what you came for and run! Get out! RUN!

  7. Harriet

    I don’t know why you had reservations about posting this, it’s true and the sooner we put a stop to this nonsense, the better. If I need a simple answer to a simple question, given the choice between asking a black person or a white person doing the same job, I default to the white person. I show respect for people in the service industry, for example, but I don’t have the time or head space to deal with the attitude that so many of us feel the need to show to one another. Why are you giving me the slow blink? Why is yiur neck moving? Why have your lips pursed? And if you’re a guy, why has you vocabulary suddenly stretched beyond your control, and your eyes reduced me to a potential bedfellow? Nkwasaisem. On the frequent occassions when i do give my people the benefit of the doubt, I’m more likely than not to wish I hadn’t bothered.

    What pains me the most is how when given the platform to dispel the stereotypes, ignorant folk will take it as an invitation to act like buffoons. Here in the UK, grammar lexus and structure go out of the window, and the volume of speech goes inexplicably high, announcing the speaker’s stupidity to the world. To this day, I burrn with embarrassment when I think of how Dizzee Rascal (need I say more? He’s a Uk-based rapper) came to embarass us all when asked to comment on the BBC about President Obama’s election to office. If i could remove that clip fron YouTube, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

    • Malaka

      Well because it’s Black History Month. Y’know? Uplift the race? No…ok.

      Gosh that is sad to hear about the UK. Of all people, I would have thought our cousins across the Pond would act like they have a bit mroe sense!

  8. Malaka

    OMG A-dub. I think I choked…:D LOL!!

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