Random Events

This morning as I was driving into work, some douche in a VW Jetta cut me off and then took his foot off the gas for no reason. I was already 15 minutes late for work…why did he want to make me LATER? What did I do to him??

The pants I’m wearing have a graham cracker stain on them.

My wedding ring is cutting off the circulation in my finger. I fear the pressure will cause it to drop off soon.

There is a wiry grey hair sticking out of my left temple. Oh God. I’m turning into Taylor Hicks.

I woke up so late today that I was unable to take a dump. I’m sitting here at my desk in abdominal agony.

This shirt is too tight. There are gaps where the buttons are and I’ve just had to undo my sleeves because the strain is threatening to rip the whole garment.

Oprah was too depressing to watch yesterday – Twin sisters getting raped by their dad AND their brothers? Seriously? Way to ruin my week, O.

 What is that smell? Oh dear…it’s ME. My deoderant failed. Gosh I hope no one walks by my desk today. Fat chance. I sit right next to the exit door…

*Sniff* *Sniiiiff!!* Oh heavenly mercy. Is that baby doo on my thumb??? Gross!!

How about a bit of good news….?

Well, I could save hundreds on my car insurance if I switched to Geico – But I haven’t, so I won’t.

How’s YOUR hump day?!?!?