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Month: March 2011

Marriage

Sharting All Over Your Fairytale

To shart: the phenomenon through which when farting, a little bit of dookie ends up in your pants. The more I think about marriage, the more I realize that it’s really one of the hardest things a person could ever do successfully. It’s easy to…
Madness

Stupid Office Acronyms

Stop whatever it is you’re doing…right now! If you work in an office, strain your ears and listen closely. Someone is using, or about to use, an office acronym right now. And don’t they sound retarded. (That’s a statement, not a question.) We used to…
Say what??

Last Saturday was SUCH a Drag

Actually, it was anything but; I just like the play on words, hence the title. Caroline celebrated her birthday this Saturday, and I was invited to her shindig by her friend Napoleon (yes, that’s his real name – and yes, he’s Black). I thought it…
Madness

Prince: Sojourn to the Sublime

Getting there: You leave Atlanta on I-20, merge onto I-95N, pass some cotton fields, take a deep breath and inhale a few lung fulls of horse manure and cow dung, blink and then you’re in Fayetteville. It’s a small military town with lush hills and…
Marriage

The Remarkable Mrs. Garner

I was going to title this “Of Brides and Hoodlums”, but I like the former Ms. Shears far too much to dwell on the hood-rattiness of Cory Garner, whom she married just this weekend. (I KNOW you’re reading this Cory, you lawn jockey.) That, and…
Say what??

Does Prince Tire of the Adulation?

I wonder what it must feel like, to have people scream and throw under things at you as you’re sorting through the produce at the farmer’s market. After 40 years, does it ever get tiresome? I imagine it would take its toll on you –…
Say what??

The Magic of the 14th Row

I can’t even wrap my mind around what words to write. Where do I even begin? Well, let’s begin the middle! The Fabulous Dogooder, Bessie (my Prince compatriot) bought our tickets and guess where we’re sitting? The FORTEENTH ROW! Floor level baby! I’m going to…