Stupid Office Acronyms

Stop whatever it is you’re doing…right now! If you work in an office, strain your ears and listen closely. Someone is using, or about to use, an office acronym right now.

And don’t they sound retarded. (That’s a statement, not a question.)

We used to use certain acronyms in HR that didn’t translate well into real life. Take this conversation I had with a friend a few years ago when I was discussing time off after I was having a baby:

“Yeah…so since I’ve only been with the company a few months, I haven’t earned vacation time or maternity leave. I’ll have to go out on STD.”

“On what?” they asked with bewilderment.

“S.T.D.,” I repeated.

My friend broke out into unforgiving laughter. It was only at that point that I realized in the HR world, “STD” stood for “Short Term Disability” and in the streets it meant “Sexually Transmitted Disease”, either of which was applicable to my person since I was with child.

How about this bizarre chat I had with some of my co-workers while we were having a brain storming session. See if you can follow along (I barely could):

“We’re going to have to get the DOS’s involved so that the SME’s can give their input for the project.”

“Is that only for WIC, or global?”

“I dunno. I might have to ask the DOM what he thinks when we finally hire one.”

WTF? Finally I had to raise my hand.

“What are we talking about here?” I asked. I was clearly puzzled and obviously lost. One of the girls broke it down. DOS = Director of Sales. DOM = Director of Marketing. SME = Subject Matter Experts. Would have it been so hard to just say these words flat out? Would it really hurt your throat or over work your lip muscles to utter four additional syllables?

I would LOVE to hear what acronyms you use in your office/job/at home.  Do share!!

In the meantime, I’ll keep working on these TPS reports that I have to submit to the DAMFIM at the end of the day.