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Marriage

I’m Not Weird for Wanting my Own Room – I’m Not.

Readers, I’ve got something for you all to judge. What’s your take on this?

My husband and I are going through a quiet ‘battle’ concerning whether or not I should be allowed to have my own room when we move to South Africa. If we had the space in our current home, I would have moved into my own bedroom ages ago. I want to move, not because I don’t love my husband, but because I want to keep loving him.

I’ve always had to share a room with someone; a sister, a cousin, an “orphan” my family had temporarily adopted…I’ve never had a space to call my own. Even in college I had to have a dorm mate, except for the one year I was an R.A., but even that was short lived. So when I finally struck out on my own and got my first apartment (complete with a set of roommates), I was thrilled to have my own room, finally! I could decorate it the way I wanted, watch whatever I wanted on TV, listen to music as loudly (or quietly) as I wanted… because it was what? MY room.

Then I got married; Got married and moved into my husband’s house. My husband didn’t want any “unauthorized” decorations in the room including pictures, ornaments or window treatments. He has a penchant for dull colors, so the only color we could agree on for the walls was a mustardy, copperish brown. I on the other hand like bright vibrant colors, and wanted to implement them, but he said emphatically that this was not “my” room, it was “our” room and we had to agree on any ornamentation.

*Long blank stare*

So for the last 6 years we’ve had bare mustard/brown walls and the same brown and blue striped bed spread– Although he did voluntarily put up some window treatments while I was away one weekend 2 years ago. That was nice.

 Now that we have the opportunity to choose a new house together, I would like it to have enough room for me to have a room of my own, and not just because we can’t agree on what color the linen should be. If the kids are crying in the middle of the night, I like to be able to wake up and have them lie next to me instead of screaming their heads off in the next room. I cannot bear the grating sound of a shrieking infant at four in the morning. I’d rather pick cotton than be subject to incessant wailing. In addition, the girls sometimes have nightmares and want to cuddle with their parents. My husband cannot abide this (although this month he’s been a bit more congenial in that regard), and I would like them to feel secure enough to come and get comfort from their mother if they need it and she’s willing to give it.

Oprah did a show about 2 months ago about ‘odd’ human behavior, and a couple who have had separate rooms for 8 years were on the show as ‘Exhibit E’ as what was considered “odd”. But to me, their sleeping arrangement made perfect sense. He likes a hard bed, she likes a soft one. She likes the room cold, he likes the room hot. He snores, she’s a light sleeper. The traditional (or ‘normal’) arrangement meant that she wasn’t getting any quality sleep, and she admitted that she was a mean-spirited slhore during the day because she wasn’t sleeping at night. They got separate rooms and voila! She was transformed into a kinder mother and more loving wife.

Dr. Phil admonished them because he said sleeping together is the only thing married people (or cohabiting couples) do exclusively together and hinted that they were somehow missing out on something fabulously exclusive.

Bull.

Why voluntarily live a life of misery? What…so you can tell your friends and family that you are equally miserable as they are sharing a room with their spouse? Bump that. Give me my own bedroom today.

Am I wrong? I don’t think I am, and I know ONE person who’ll certainly agree with me: David S.

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