Remarriage is not for me!

I love my husband and I love being married, but if anything should happen to or between my husband and I (Heaven forbid), I would never remarry. It would just be too hard.

The difficulty would not lie in reconnecting emotionally with someone – the difficulty would lie in relearning all the quirks of another man. And men are indeed quirky!

Marshall and I have been together for 15 years, and married for 6 of those. In those 15 years, you would think you need to learn or know about a person, but I can assure you that’s not the case. I am also convinced that I will still be as baffled by any number of his future oddities that he is sure to develop.

Take laundry, for instance. We have four laundry baskets in the house that find themselves in different locations depending on how far I want to lug them. There is a canvas one that perpetually sits by the entry of our bedroom door, however. This basket is also known as laundry limbo/purgatory. If Marshall lays his shorts/shirt/pants in this basket, that is my cue to leave them be. They are only slightly dirty and he will wear them later in the week…or in future weeks. If he puts his shirts on the floor just next to the laundry basket, these items need to be sent to the dry cleaners.

Then there’s the Bathroom Olympics, which I’ve whined and opined about on M.O.M. many times before. It’s taken me six whole years (!) but I now know that if I have to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I’m going to need to put the seat down. I’ve fallen bum first into the bottom of the toilet enough times to learn my lesson. A hard head makes a wet (and if he didn’t flush after last use – pissy) behind.

Ugh. And don’t get me started on the dishes. My husband has far more faith in the ability of our dishwasher than he ought. He therefore has not seen the error in leaving chicken bones, eggshells and half eaten broccoli in the sink after he’s consumed his dinner. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, because at least he has the kindness to bring his dishes to the sink, but scooping runny left over food from dripping porcelain is not my idea of a cheerful evening’s past time.

15 years later I am just getting accustomed to his style of driving. While speeding down the highway in his red CR-X on Springfield’s highways was delightful and exhilarating at 18, tailgating Atlanta’s enraged drivers in his Mercedes “just because” is terrifying. I used to badger and bicker with him about his driving. Now I have resigned myself to closing my eyes and waiting patiently for us to reach our destination. To his credit, he has backed off the bumpers of other motorists in the last year or so.

Why would I EVER want to go through this with another man? And to whit, why would a previously married man want to re-learn the quirks of another woman?  Yeah, yeah, I get that love is a powerful force, but at some point self-preservation and common sense would have to prevail! I would happily admit my faults – if I had any. A penchant for fart jokes and hanging wet panties in the shower to dry wouldn’t be considered “vices” would they? Surely that’d be easy for any man to overcome.

Married people: would you remarry if you lost your spouse? Assuming you guys are friends and actually like each other. All others need not answer. We know where you stand.