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These People Want Me to Face the Firing Squad, Eh?

*I typically reserve Friday for frivolity, HOWEVER (!) this one di333, I have to speak on it! Prepare yourself for Bush Woman Mode!

When you’re a parent, life will bring you a whole host of ‘firsts’, as long as you have a child in your life. Some ‘firsts’ you dread, while there are others that you eagerly look forward to. Your child’s first day at school, first kiss, first date, first car wreck and first broken heart usually make the list.

But what about your child’s first dirty slap?

Yesterday I was lying in bed watching Millionaire Matchmaker (which was supposed to be a more sophisticated departure from my usual afternoon with Maury) while I waited to pick the kids up from the bus stop. My friend the Island Lady had already called me during the commercial break, and yet five minutes later my phone was ringing again. Ah. What did she want again?! This time I ignored her call and let it go to voicemail.

“Malaka! Call me back as SOON as you get this message!”

I noted the urgency in her voice, but I admit that urgent matters as they pertain to her usually revolve around the need to vent about something in her personal life. I didn’t feel like hearing it right then. Brad was about to decide which girl he was going to take on his master date. Ah! Why was she ringing my phone again!

“Hey, Island Lady! I was just about to call you,” I lied.

“Find out from your daughter what happened!” she shouted. “I’m so sick of that boy! That stupid little trouble maker! He slapped her!”

I gasped.

“Somebody slapped Kayla?” I asked incredulously. Who dared to slap her child? I wondered what Island Lady was going to do to them. She has an awful temper.

“No,” she growled. “The boy slapped NADJAH.”

My blood suddenly ran cold. I sat up straight in my bed. The hell??

Suddenly I was putting on my shoes and running for my car. The phone was still glued to my ear.

“I don’t know where I’m going, but wherever it is, I’ll call you when I reach there. Island Lady, I’m going to beat somebody and their child today!”

She cut me off so that she could run down the list of this boy’s infractions as she knew them. He was constantly kicking people. He couldn’t go on field trips without his mother because he was so hard to control. The more she talked, the more I hated him. To say that I was pissed would be conservative.

Let’s just fast forward to the event itself, shall we?

My child, my first born child, was helping another student by putting a piece of paper he had dropped back into his backpack. Suddenly, this Adam boy whips around from nowhere and hits her.

“It’s none of your business he shouted!”

When she ignored him, he slapped her harder – so hard that she hit the wall.

Let that sink in for a moment. You see how I’m feeling? Okay. Let’s continue.

Now in the past, I have gotten a phone call, email or written note from Nadjah’s teacher if she spoke out of turn, yelled at another student, or ran out of the classroom in a fit. However this time when Nadjah is assaulted, I got nothing but silence. So it was incumbent upon me to craft an email and request that it be sent to the boy’s parents. It’s probably better if I don’t mention what that email said. Don’t worry, I was cordial.

But that’s what is paining me! I don’t want to be cordial. I want to put on my blowman/soldierman uniform, slather my face with commando war paint and wait for this foolish boy at the playground and lash him myself! However, now that I have joined this vanguard of Negros who has tasked themselves with rehabilitating our tattered Black image, I can’t indulge in my most primal desires and react viscerally.


Do you know what was even more annoying? The boy never apologized, and Nadjah never hit him back.

“Why not?” I asked, rather bewildered.

“I wanted to,” she admitted, “but if I did that would be fighting and I would get in trouble too.”

Have you seen? Have you seen?!? This is how bullies are made! They know that no one will hit them back!

So now I find myself on this diplomatic course, forced to employ decorum and NOT go and hide in the bushes to lay in wait for Adam. Instead, I have to wear heels and a nice dress to meet these people so that this boy and his family know that Nadjah is not some fiyanga girl that he can just abuse whenever he sees fit. They are lucky this is Roswell. If we were living in Decatur or the Congo this blog would have ended very differently!

Has your child ever been assaulted in school? How did you handle it? Better yet, how would have liked to have handled it? Is there any other mother out there who can feel me in my rage??

This article has 7 comments

  1. E. Scrooge

    Well, I know a guy!!! Oh!!! He doesn’t stay too far off!!! About forty paces down the river, oh, you turn right at the iroko tree, ten steps to the left, near the old lady’s farm…Aha!!! That very spot, you know it too, eh??? Wiv an ants arm and an alligators toenails, that boy will be well visited!!! Ok, ok, ’nuff of my nkwasias3m… Its paramount the young man is made to apologise and as sincerely as possible too!!! For his good, I must add, ‘cos dats how it starts and before you know it, his wife gets thrown out of a window one day and he’ll blame it on Daddy and look to “therapy”… I won’t be suprised if his parents try to shield him and offer excuses… But in the unlikely event that he doesn’t apologise, you know I know a guy!!!
    P.S : give the little princess a kiss on her abused cheeks, telling her the story of Yaa Asantewaa as you’re driving her over for Samurai lessons… Have a splendid weekend

    • Malaka

      I may need your guy to organize a canoe ride one day!

      The school finally got around to calling me. They told me the boy apologized (right) and my daughter told him she doesn’t accept his apology! Someone taught her well. I suspect her godmother.

  2. African Mami (@afrikanmami12)

    My dear…..my BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD currrrrrrrdled, reading this entry. My sirens are goiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing offf, way offff!!!! Somebody hitting MY child is akin to stabbing me repeatedly!!! Cheiiiii I am not a mother, but I KNOW how you feel. Let’s just say this, in terms of handling the situation, diplomacy would not have prevailed. And I do understand why you choose to handle the situation the way you did.

    Tell Nadjah that it is NOT okay to be hit. She can fight back too! (sorry for not taking the politically correct route)
    Aside: I had a dream about you, your bestie and II!!!! Oh mi goshhhhhh…..

    • Malaka

      Eiii!! What dream was this I wonder?

      My sister said Nadjah should have “stood her ground” and smacked the sh*t outta that boy. I wouldn’t have minded if she did at all!! Foolish boy.

  3. pearlesi

    I have taught my daughter to give one warning and if the person persists, to give as good as she gets! But my daughter is a softie so I’ve resorted to getting her to build up this skill of ‘warn and strike’ by using it on her little brother who likes to hit and push with very little provocation. Let’s just say, I hear a lot of ‘mommy, Kiki popped me!’. That’s right! I can’t stand the thought of kids being bullied. One mama actually called the school to ask if her child could defend herself and the teacher said yes. She tells her kids ‘if u don’t stand up for yourself or your siblings, you’ll have to deal with me when you come home!’

  4. Bizzzle

    What!!!!! i was raised never to hit ppl but i have since grown up! my soon to be BIL instructs his kids thus “never hit first but if you r hit make sure you hit back twice as hard!!!!” and i assure you this is what i ll teach my kids. I’m sorry ur girl got hit…, adam s mama should do the boy some good n give him a good spanking and spare the world future trouble!! arghhhhh “baring teeth”

    • Malaka

      She said he ran and kicked her in the head yesterday, but it “didn’t hurt” that’s why she didn’t hit him back. I hate this boy. Today is the last day of school and I have a feeling that he’s going to try something stupid! Grrrrrr!!!

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