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Spectating an (Unnecessary) Eventual Divorce on Facebook

Ever since I tried to broker a peace accord between two married friends of mine a few years ago, I have vowed to do one thing: To never get personally involved in anyone’s marriage ever again, even when solicited or invited. NEVER.

I however never said that I would never indulge in public commentary – or mockery  – in the event of another couple’s marital discord.

Yes MOM Squad, it’s time for another rant about marriage. For some reason, people just don’t seem to want to get it right…or get the basics right, at the very least. There is a reason the term “sanctity of marriage” was coined. Despite what most of our population may think, the culmination of ‘marriage’ is not whether you serve beef or fish cutlets on a sunny spring day at the Radisson, or whether one hires a DJ or a live band to entertain ones guest on said day. Marriage is a sacred vow that two people take, promising GOD, before mankind, to be faithful to each other until death parts them. It is for that reason that ‘marriage’ is not for everyone; douche bags, asshats and children being chief among these. These days most of the population has been engineered to be more suited toward civil unions, which are more contractual at their core and can be broken/dissolved with a few hundred dollars at the cash register at a municipal court near you.

Some people think that because they share children or interests, that these are good enough reasons to get married. Nothing could be further from the truth. Children grow up and move out, and interests fade or change with time. You need to find better, more concrete reasons to jump the broom and bind yourself spiritually to someone – or seek out that civil union I mentioned earlier.

And dare I say it? Yes, I dare. Even some Christians should not marry. There is many a Christian who does not understand the implications and consequences of entering a marriage without proper education. Contrary to widespread belief, there IS a manual on how to achieve the perfect marriage. There are several in fact. From the Bible to Dr. Phil, there are guiding texts…just pick your flavor. Nowhere in any of these texts will you see the following, I assure you.

Are you seated? Good. Because I am here to put my two of friends on blast for their public display of foolishness and tomfoolery.


Though I was friends with her first, I consider both *Chris and Christina to be friends of mine. They are a 20-something year old couple who got married about 2 or 3 years ago in a hurried (but very charming) ceremony. I still don’t know what the rush was, and I never asked. I know the bride wasn’t pregnant and he wasn’t an immigrant needing papers. The frantic timing didn’t make sense to me, but it did to them. Young love, I suppose. What I DO know is that the wedding cake was absolutely scrumptious: lemon frosting and a creamy center. Perhaps the hopeful mood I was in made the half cup of punch I was given so delightful as well.

My eyes misted over as her father officiated the ceremony and they recited their vows. They literally looked picture perfect.

In the coming months, they lived out their married life on social media, like most people in this digital age do. Pictures of him gleefully lifting and spinning her in the air would pop up very often, and she would post quotes about love, life and happiness on her wall. Suddenly, that all began to change.

Instead of lyrics concerning all things amorous, quotes about ‘the hard knock life’ took over. No longer were there profile pictures of the two of them grinning foolishly into the camera. Cartoon characters and fists raised in the air replaced those. (That’s nothing unusual, I suppose. For 2 months my profile picture was of two hard turds one of the kids had left on my shower floor. And no, I’m not ashamed to admit that.) From what I found out, work was keeping them apart, and they were reduced to passing each other in the day as one was leaving for work and the other was coming in.

I took a Facebook hiatus for about 4 months, and when I got back, I started seeing weird statuses from his end. There are many things that piss me off, and one of those things in when amateurs make attempts at waxing philosophical and have no business doing so…ever.

“Sometimes you dream a dream a dream and think it’s come true, only to discover that true dreams don’t come true.”

What the hell?

“You said you loved me – but the love you said you had was just a reflection of my love for you. It never resided in you to begin with.”

You have got to be kidding me.

“Sometimes people are like broken glass: it’s better to sweep them away than to cut yourself trying to put them back together.”

Okay, now that’s just below the belt.

On her end of the spectrum, the world is falling apart:

“I guess I can’t do anything right!”
“Please Jesus, send me a friend!”
“The world is dark…so very dark right now.”

The final straw was when he changed his relationship status from ‘married’ to ‘single’. This made me want to find him, slap him and shake some sense into him. Just because things aren’t going your way in your house doesn’t make you ‘single’ bruh. It just DON’T.

Now let me admit to something from my own marriage experience. Have I wanted to leave my husband at one point? Absolutely. I felt like he was a hindrance to my ambitions. He insisted that we go see one of our pastors, and she flat out told me “NO”…I could not leave my husband and take 1 or 2 of the kids with me, even for a break. I looked at her like she had two heads. How dare she! But I followed her command (because it wasn’t really advice) and we worked it out. Guess how we did that? By talking…not by putting our mess out there on Facebook!

Why am I so passionate about someone else’s marriage you ask? Because I wrote those two Niggroes a check. I financially invested in the two of them. I sat in the congregation and prayed with and over them. I took my part as a witness to their marriage seriously, and I expect these two dumbasses to take their part in their marriage vows seriously as well.

You think I sound mad now? Oh, I went on an all out campaign on Facebook! You should have seen it. It was glorious.

Lookit, you two. There are only three reasons why divorce is ever an option, if you are a Christian. All this new age “he/she doesn’t make me happy” doesn’t apply. I’m pretty sure everything you do doesn’t make Christ happy, but He still shed His blood for you so your retarded behinds could enter into paradise.

If she/he isn’t:

1)    Beating on you
2)    Cheating on you
3)    Using your money to beat and cheat on you…
…then you can work it out. Seriously.

Now stop posting ridiculous statuses, quotes, Instagrams and posters on Facebook and talk to your spouse. The rest of you enjoy your day.

/rant over.

This article has 27 comments

  1. Isabelle

    🙂 Well put…the minute they invited you for their wedding, posted their issues on facebook for the ‘public’ or ‘friends’ to see, they totally involved you and gave you authority to speak your view….I hope they heed you r command as you did the Pastors.

    • Malaka

      I hope they do too! I wish people would divert the time they spend talking about their issues towards actually fixing them. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of the same. I can’t imagine how foolish I must have looked. :{

  2. Chloe

    I totally agree with this article. Nowadays people get into and leave marriages for funny reasons. They expect things to work out on their own, they dont want to work hard towards it.
    Trust me if they are not willing to try harder, nothing you say will change that. Its so unfortunate

  3. African Mami (@afrikanmami12)

    I do not understand why people feel the need to put their business out in the streets. Whatever happened to privacy?! A relationship is between the parties involved, not the parties & the world. They are young, and I truly hope that they get somebody to mentor and guide them in the right direction. Right now it’s immaturity doing them in. Let’s pray for them…..I’m hereby volunteering to do a statewide prayer line session on their behalf. Join me brethren.

  4. Rasheeda

    Get thee to marital counseling. That is my pre-wedding advice, day of wedding advice and post wedding advice. You got an issue and you can’t talk to him or her with out seeing flashes of red…Get thee to marital counseling. You can’t stand such and such and want to leave…get thee to marital counseling. I need hallmark to make wedding cards that say that! But I loved every last update on FB. If they weren’t soliciting a ‘like’ or a ‘comment’ then why was it on FB? You only speak the truth!

    • Malaka

      Exactly! You were soliciting comments to co-sign on your crap!

      Hadst thou heard the clarion call? Get the to marriage counseling with much haste lest the dark power of Mordor consume thy spirits!

  5. frankvibes

    Thanks Malaka. Most people nowadays marry for good looks and for lustful purposes. They forget the realities of marital life and the fact that no one is perfect, everyone has faults! So when the fire of lust dies out, so too does “their dream wedding”.

  6. Hope Lorna

    I have been reading your blog for about two months now and I loooove it! I live in Uganda and like so many women my age (I am 28) I wanted to finish university, get married and have two kids by 25 just so I could fit in. That hasn’t happened. I realized that marriage is not a matter to be entered into blindly and rushedly (is that a word?). Many of my peers have got married and had children. Some seem happy others not. I am now planning to get married next year and reading this is helping me prepare better. Yes we will see a marriage counselor but it is refreshing to read about divorce and instead of being depressed it teaches you an uplifting lesson. Thanks Malaka.

  7. worshipandswag

    Wow. Even people who call themselves Christians are not exempt from this madness. The abuse of Christ has got to stop. “Please Jesus, send me a friend!”…really? I’m not one to judge but I’m pretty sure he did send one when she said I DO. The bible does warn that those who marry will have worldly troubles. That is why we are to remember the creator in the days of our youth…I will stop here. I feel for your friends and hope God restores peace to their union.

  8. Akin Akintayo (@forakin)

    Dear Malaka,

    Sadly, social media has become integrated into our lives as part of expression, situation and condition.

    It used to be that when domestic violence happened, it was the close neighbours that heard the noise, now, the “close” neighbours are on Facebook where posting a status about intimate things is just like going for a walk by the lake to sort out your head.

    I read a story a few weeks ago that Facebook is now being cited in about 30% of divorce cases in UK – it brings the past and present together that literally upsets the future.

    In these times too, we have become so independent that we don’t have nearly enough people to speak into our lives in times like this. These chaps do need counselling and probably therapy and they have to call a halt to these hostilities – if you can speak into their lives – you might save heartache and heartbreak, they don’t do divorce ceremonies where cakes might well give you heartburn.

  9. optimusthe1

    Lovely post…..people have forgotten the age-old wisdom that insists on direct communication at all times. In our busy lives, we have become dependent on technology to the extent that people even separate by text or on facebook. Very sad state of affairs.

  10. David S.

    So wait? If they get divorced, shouldn’t you get your money back?

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m not suprised that so many relationships these days fail. I am amazed that so many of them succeed.

    You should have gotten the name of the person who made that cake.

    • Malaka

      I 100% believe I should get my money back if this marriage fails. But then, people in hell want ice water, and we know what the odds are of that succeeding. :/

      • David S.

        This is why you should have gotten the name of the cake maker. Because it is starting to sound like the cake may be the only good thing to come out of that marriage.

  11. Ekari M

    In Christ all things are possible. Without Him, nothing is. And until that fact is truly embedded in the hearts of both partners, neither are ready for marriage. I am still getting there myself, having had to get burned before I learnt that fire is hot (fire being a metaphor for entering a relationship without Christ). My mistake was praying to meet the guy of my dreams, finding him, and then telling God “thanks, I’ll take it from here.” Because of that mistake, I may never see this man again because of how it ended. Don’t do what I did.

    I pray through Jesus’ grace that these two friends of yours, whether remaining together or not, will learn to trust in Christ before all.

  12. Flavia Sargeant


  13. akorfa

    Wow, thanks sis for this heads up. I am a youngin only 22 but I agree with you. People think social media=personal diary. Not so, you can keep people updated on your ventures without having to violate your privacy. LOL at Chris and Christina!!! I’ll keep them in my prayers. And sis Malaka, you have/had every right to voice your concern. They made it your cup of tea part of your business and you invested in it!

  14. Deborah

    Please Malaka where in the world have you been?????
    I have gotten so addicted to your blog that anytime i look in my mail and nothing pops up from malaka, i ignore the other mails. I don’t know how i got to this point but please, whatever is keeping you away from writing should be put away as well!

    • Malaka

      Oh. Deborah. That’s not a very nice thing to say about my grandmother. Put her away as well???

      Aaaahhhh! Just kidding with ya. She died 3 years ago.

      But on a more serious note, I plan to get back to writing soon. It’s been a tough few weeks juggling ‘things’. See you soon though! I miss my MOM Squad 🙁

  15. amriba

    Malakaaaaaa! how i have missed thee….Gosh im soo thankful that iv found someone else who shares the same thought process as i do on this subject. the only grounds for divorce God gave in the bible was death. Someone has to die, literally, before you are freed from a marriage covenant before God. me thinks ur Acquarian..no?

  16. Asterix

    Wow!! I have also wanted to walk out on my marriage before. Glad that I didn’t. Love is patient, kind, it does not envy….I hope that they can stay together and work it out.

    • Malaka

      Nope. It doesn’t look that way. According to his FB status he’s finalizing the paperwork today. Whatever. I want my check back.

  17. Vay

    ” If she/he isn’t:
    1) Beating on you
    2) Cheating on you
    3) Using your money to beat and cheat on you…
    …then you can work it out. Seriously. “
    …What if she/he just doesn’t want to be in the marriage anymore? Because human beings are funny like that; in love today, out of love the next.

  18. Dissappointed

    Well put!!!!
    Finally someone in life who has some morals and standards!!!!!! I was hit and battered and cheated on , then was told how he loved me more than anyone had or will in my life???? NO THANKS!!! , I choose not believe such crap and will not live in fear !!!!! It’s called abuse not love!!

    I refuse to continue to play in my marriage any more and setting some healthy boundaries in my life without the drama!!!!! we even went to counseling and not only did he lie but NEVER asked what he could do to make it better., only how to fix me???! Even after I filed for divorce he continues to call the therapist to convince him how wonderful he is and if im capable of lloving anyone??!! He’s sick and alcoholic!!! I hope for his own sake someday gets HELP!!
    My god people are AROGANT and EGO driven . I totally agree with your posting 100%
    People now days don’t take the sacrament of marriage sacred at all …. Then their so stupid As to try and make the world believe on Facebook just how wonderful they are!!!’ arrogance in full form!!!!’. Thanks for your posting !!!!’

    Life now days is so disposable we just cut people off or out our lives if they don’t fit into their self centered motives…
    Sad world we live in. So much fear and anger we forgot about love and forgiveness!!’!!!!’ god bless !!

  19. magician

    Studying this write-up – the gift of the time

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