Why I Am Satisfied With an Obama Win

You know, sometimes I truly feel trapped by my culture. In my head and in my spirit, I have defined myself as an individual: a degreed Ghanaian-American with a family and goals of joining the literary elite. However when I step outside of the doors of my house – or venture into the world of the internet – I suddenly become a mere “Black Woman”. And as a “Black Woman”, I am expected to hold certain Black principles, or face the derision of those within my culture. Allan West, Stacey Dash, Condi Rice and even Colin Powell (before he switched allegiances) are all proof of that.

But I’m Malaka, and it is without apology that I make it very clear that I do neither support Barack Obama nor the principles of the modern Democratic Party. However, because I live in a Black world, I am satisfied that he got his 4 more years. Don’t get too excited. The reasons are not as noble as you may think. Barack Obama is the only one who could save my Black Christmas.

The thing I’ve noticed about Democrats is that they are sore losers. They do not handle defeat very well at all. I remember when Al Gore lost to George Bush in 2000, he disappeared in a self-imposed exile, only to turn up months later looking absolutely haggard. He’d gained a horrible amount of weight, grown a grisly beard and looked like he’d been sleeping in a dumpster for months after the results were announced. I was shocked. But as bad as being a spoiled sport is, Black Democrats exhibit even worse behavior in the midst of victory. I have NEVER seen a group so ungracious as the other party concedes defeat. My Facebook wall in inundated with silly memes and photos that threaten to ruin my celebratory November 7th…but I won’t let it.

How childish.

I have bigger goals in mind for the long term, and those goals are making sure that my family has a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Ironically, Barack Obama’s retaining of his presidential seat is the only way to ensure that joy reigns over my yuletide.

Since the president has yet to put the economy back on the wheels of real recovery, my family – like many others – has only one income to support us. We’re blessed all the same. Many Americans are still living hand to mouth after losing jobs years ago and haven’t regained their economic footing. With limited dollars at our disposal, I am unable to give my children the lavish Christmases that they became accustomed to so early in life. The ONLY people capable of doing that now are their grandparents…and nothing ruins Christmas like surly grandparents.

Now that Barack Obama is certain to reign the country and the world for another 48 months, Christmas is sure to be jolly indeed. You haven’t seen misery until you’ve sat around a dining room table filled with angry Democrats. This year, because their beloved president is still in power, there will be a little more cobbler and perhaps an extra slice of rum cake for all in attendance at this year’s festivities. Had Mitt Romney won I could see my in-laws and relatives claiming deprivation and lack because “Cancer-Causin’ Romney” killed all the Christmas turkeys with his evil wealth rays.

Happy Democrats are more apt to give than politically unsatisfied Democrats, and since my world is largely Black and Democrat, I suppose this is the better outcome for me, no matter how much the failures of either entity may offend me. For heaven’s sake, Black people even voted against the charter school amendment. It’s like the population craves depravity and failure!

 So thank  you America, for saving my Black Christmas. 14+% of the Black community are still unemployed or underemployed, but at least we have a president with swag. Because, you know, all you need is swag to lead a nation, pay your bills and educate your kids. Not a plan; just swag.

Spare me.

But none of that matters, because guess what? There’s even better news for the POTUS:

Yayyyy. The president is getting laid.