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Why I Am Satisfied With an Obama Win

You know, sometimes I truly feel trapped by my culture. In my head and in my spirit, I have defined myself as an individual: a degreed Ghanaian-American with a family and goals of joining the literary elite. However when I step outside of the doors of my house – or venture into the world of the internet – I suddenly become a mere “Black Woman”. And as a “Black Woman”, I am expected to hold certain Black principles, or face the derision of those within my culture. Allan West, Stacey Dash, Condi Rice and even Colin Powell (before he switched allegiances) are all proof of that.

But I’m Malaka, and it is without apology that I make it very clear that I do neither support Barack Obama nor the principles of the modern Democratic Party. However, because I live in a Black world, I am satisfied that he got his 4 more years. Don’t get too excited. The reasons are not as noble as you may think. Barack Obama is the only one who could save my Black Christmas.

The thing I’ve noticed about Democrats is that they are sore losers. They do not handle defeat very well at all. I remember when Al Gore lost to George Bush in 2000, he disappeared in a self-imposed exile, only to turn up months later looking absolutely haggard. He’d gained a horrible amount of weight, grown a grisly beard and looked like he’d been sleeping in a dumpster for months after the results were announced. I was shocked. But as bad as being a spoiled sport is, Black Democrats exhibit even worse behavior in the midst of victory. I have NEVER seen a group so ungracious as the other party concedes defeat. My Facebook wall in inundated with silly memes and photos that threaten to ruin my celebratory November 7th…but I won’t let it.

How childish.

I have bigger goals in mind for the long term, and those goals are making sure that my family has a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Ironically, Barack Obama’s retaining of his presidential seat is the only way to ensure that joy reigns over my yuletide.

Since the president has yet to put the economy back on the wheels of real recovery, my family – like many others – has only one income to support us. We’re blessed all the same. Many Americans are still living hand to mouth after losing jobs years ago and haven’t regained their economic footing. With limited dollars at our disposal, I am unable to give my children the lavish Christmases that they became accustomed to so early in life. The ONLY people capable of doing that now are their grandparents…and nothing ruins Christmas like surly grandparents.

Now that Barack Obama is certain to reign the country and the world for another 48 months, Christmas is sure to be jolly indeed. You haven’t seen misery until you’ve sat around a dining room table filled with angry Democrats. This year, because their beloved president is still in power, there will be a little more cobbler and perhaps an extra slice of rum cake for all in attendance at this year’s festivities. Had Mitt Romney won I could see my in-laws and relatives claiming deprivation and lack because “Cancer-Causin’ Romney” killed all the Christmas turkeys with his evil wealth rays.

Happy Democrats are more apt to give than politically unsatisfied Democrats, and since my world is largely Black and Democrat, I suppose this is the better outcome for me, no matter how much the failures of either entity may offend me. For heaven’s sake, Black people even voted against the charter school amendment. It’s like the population craves depravity and failure!

 So thank  you America, for saving my Black Christmas. 14+% of the Black community are still unemployed or underemployed, but at least we have a president with swag. Because, you know, all you need is swag to lead a nation, pay your bills and educate your kids. Not a plan; just swag.

Spare me.

But none of that matters, because guess what? There’s even better news for the POTUS:

Yayyyy. The president is getting laid.

This article has 16 comments

  1. @_Karimi_

    ha, feasting on humble pie with sufficient condiments, aren’t you

    • Malaka

      Ah. What humble pie am I feasting on? I just know how you Black people behave when you don’t get your way. At least now I don’t have to deal with your tantrums. Like I said, I’m satisfied. When this country moves Foward to hell, I won’t be among those to blame. I voted for the libertarian.

  2. kattails

    Thank you for the best and biggest smile….ok…belly laugh…I’ve had in the last 24 hours! Truth, wisdom and tongue-in-cheek humor in a few paragraphs. While I won’t be having a “Black Christmas” I’m trying to convince myself that my “White Christmas” will be better as well…you see…If he hadn’t won I’d be sitting around the table with a bunch of angry, Democrat in-laws. Shudder…..ty

    • Malaka

      OMG OMG OMG!!! Someone who actually gets the firm tongue in cheek tone of this post! It’s a Christmas miracle!

      Girl, here’s hoping your White Christmas is a pleasant one. If your Democrat in laws are liberal zealots like mine, I’m talking to the point of no possibility of civil discussion (sorry guys if you’re reading this, but it’s true) then this is probably for the best. We have to think about the kids! God doesn’t want unhappy kids on His birthday, does He? At least the ones who made it out of the womb should enjoy the miracle of Christmas, right? 🙂

      It’s been a horrible campaign season and I’m glad it’s over. I’ve lost a lot of respect for some folks I used to admire based on their web conduct these last 10 months.

  3. Catherine

    Define Black!

  4. TD

    SMDH. I have loved you since I met you 26 years ago; I’m glad that I have not been forced to reevaluate our friendship during this election season 🙂 It will be a happy holiday season after all. I LOVE BARACK !! LOL

    • Malaka

      LOL! My sister and I were talking about that today. Some people have known us since kindergarten through third grade, and after all that time you choose NOW to be offended by the stuff we say?

      You better not choose Barack Obama over me. He ain’t making the damn Mac n cheese for Thanksgiving dinner is he? No, no he’s not. I AM. Love you!

  5. Joy Mdivo (@Joymdivo)

    I am an observer, from a different jurisdiction, and I will tell you, I am conservative in social values, but when I encounter those more enlightened than myself, I try to behave as if I am a bit more liberal. The reason is the same. The animated discussion soon gives way to hostility, especially if it is evident you are not getting convinced. Hell starts to boil over if you make more sense than them and soon the lines being churned become something like this,
    “you are liars” “you are self righteous” “you impose your value systems on others”
    And we end the conversation usually in acrimony.
    Sadly, I saw this play out during the campaigns. Believe you me, Kenyans are a worse lot when it comes to electioneering, we started our campaigns as soon as the last elections were done. And our Presidential vote is in March next year, and will coincide with the parliamentary (congress) and senate elections as well, so heat on national and local levels.
    So, I feel you Malaka, sometimes for the sake of peace, losing is actually winning. In elections I don’t know that there are losers or winners, I think all we have left is usually consequences. Whoever goes to the white house on the hill, at the end of the day, all of us have to live under their shadow. Let us pray this term for you will be a cool and relaxed place!

    • Malaka

      I have a very good Kenyan friend who has told me the same. No matter how bad politics is on the Continent, she adamantly claims that Kenyans are “the worst” when it comes to politics. It always leads to extreme violence.

      But to your other point: I usually don’t pretend to be more liberal when I’m faced with people of an opposing view. My experience has been that they are not necessarily more learned than I am – they just think that if they give their views in a louder and more verbose manner then it makes them “right”. I never walk away from an argument with a liberal zealot until I’ve been called a name (Uncle Tom, sell out, Republican, etc). That’s when they’ve run out of arguments and I KNOW that I’ve won.

  6. Shekyn

    Absolutely hilarious. I love this post!!!!! I’m probably the only Kenyan that did not tweet celebratory tweets about the Obama Victory. Ha! I might have been excited the first time Obama became President mainlybecause of the whole “My President is Black” sentiment, but I’m completely over him. I lost respect for him after he interfered with Libya and killed Gaddafi. An issue that I felt very strongly about. I was definitely for Mitt Romney.

    Based on how our elections turn out, I might do a similar post.:D

    • Malaka

      Heiii?!!!?? Even if you were for Mitt Romney you can’t say it sha! They will come for you ooo. You know how your people behave! 😀

      I don’t know why Africans are so excited that he won. It’s not like he ever did anything for Africa. His policy towards the continent has been a non-policy. Now we have Boko Haram and Al Qeada factions mushrooming in Muslim populations. Terrorism is about to blow up stronger than before, but hey! “My president is Black” so it’s all good.

      I can’t wait to read your post election post!

  7. Shekyn

    Heiii!!!! :)) Ooops! The cat is out. *Goes into hiding*
    Lets wait and see how things play out here in Kenya.

    In the meantime, let’s enjoy the Obama-Michelle lovey dovey. At least it counts for something. That and the fact that you will have a peaceful Christmas 🙂

    • Malaka

      Humph. My mother in law (bless het heart) tried to destroy the peace early. We were chatting just this last Friday and asked me if I was excited about the results. Excited for what? I asked. Nothing has changed. Do you know what she said?

      Just wait.

      Even if Obama doesn’t do anything for the next 4 years, she’s just happy that he won!


      This is what Black people call moving “Foward”. I think I’ll have my Christmas pie in the basement alone this year!

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