Robin Thicke is a Borga and Other Epiphanies I’ve Had This Week

I have come to the conclusion that Robin Thicke is a Kumasiano Borga. How can I put this in general terms for my non-Ghanaian readers to understand? Hmmm…

I’ve got it.

You know that guy – that ONE African – swathed in acid washed jeans, neck heavy and blistering with an overabundance of gold chains, stinking of imitation BVGARI, and obstinately insistent on wearing his sunglasses indoors? That’s a “borga”. Problem is, I’ve just described 80% of the hip-hop community, which would in turn lead me to believe that we are all being influenced and infiltrated by borgas more rapidly than we’d like to admit.

There are several variations of borgas, each with his own unique traits. OBGs (Original BorGas) are stuck in the 80’s, blissfully unaware that their jerry curled shag hasn’t been in style since Lionel Richie began his solo career. Then there are the Designer Borgas, whose affinity for labels is demonstrated through the exclusive cloaking of oneself – from the tip of this leather baseball cap to the sole of his leather sneakers  – in Luis Vuitton today and/or Gucci the next. But above all these is the Supreme Borga – The Kumasiano. He is a borga chameleon, able to take on all forms of borgarism at will. But what separates him from all the other borgas is his business acumen, or possession of some talent that has led to a respectable amount of wealth.  Despite his best efforts to go main stream, something will betray his roots: a slip of tongue; the combination of one too many primary colors in his ensemble; feet shod in croc skin boots in the height of summer. This is where Robin Thicke comes in.

2013 MTV Video Music Awards - ShowRobin Thicke is a good singer, but he’s not an extraordinary one. Prince is an extraordinary singer/performer/entertainer. Michael Jackson was an extraordinary entertainer. Robin Thicke is “a’ight” in comparison. But what makes Mr. Thicke so appealing is that extra oomph that he puts in every track – whether stolen or “heavily borrowed” from. He gets that oomph from collaborations with the likes of Pharrell and the Neptunes, and as any Ghanaian will tell you, Pharrell is a Class A kubolor boy. Nothing makes a borga shine like an alliance with a kubolor boy. The two are like butter and sugar: magic is bound to happen when you combine the two.

Consider Robin Thicke’s look. From his high top hair cut to his half Canadian, half Decatur drawl to his tight trousers, he’s a Kumasiano through and through.

I heard Give it 2 U on the radio in my sister’s car on the way back in from DC to Virginia. It was only the second time I’ve ever heard the song, and I have never been able to focus on the words as I am consistently captivated by the techno/Kumasi-ness/bushness of the instrumentals. It elicits the automatic biting of ones lower lip and a deliberate shaking of ones shoulders. Then I heard it:

Hey! Girl! You’re looking so damn fine!

You’re looking like you fell from the sky! (Angel)

Girl give it to me!  

Oh. Robin. Are we stupid? Do you think you have to mention “angel” before we understand the insinuation of your saying a girl falling from the sky? Who else lives in the sky??

Kumasiano like your type.

I have also come to the conclusion that my president, John Mahama is also a borga in northerner’s clothing. How could this man who I had so much faith in just disgrace me and the entire nation of Ghana like this???

Look at this picture:

President-Mahama

That’s MY president – president of the first Africa nation to gain independence, mind you – standing  in front of the CNN center squinting in the hot Atlanta sun. I mean how??? How did NO ONE on his PR team say amongst themselves “Chaley. Don’t you guys think this is a tad bush?”

Seriously, I think when I move back home I need to get into to image business and help our political figures. It’s a simple formula: When in doubt, use the Obama litmus test. Ask yourself “Would President Obama, first black president of the United States, stand in front of GBC Headquarters and pose for a picture?” What historical value does this picture hold? When future generations of Ghanaians look at this picture, will they thump their chests and say with pride “My president too stood on the steps of CNN as other giants before him did!”

No. No they will not.

Ehhhn kraaa, of you want to take pictures of tourists’ sites for public consumption, do so in front of the Georgia State Capitol where political battles have been waged; or at Smith Hall – one of the remaining slave plantations in the area remains; or even within walls of the Carter Center! Jimmy Carter is one of your counterparts, Mr. Mahama! But you are standing in front of the letters of the CNN Center like a powdered secondary school pupil. I can hear the Nigerians laughing at us now. And it hurts.

photo(18)Finally, I have discovered that hard water is an enemy to afro hair. I know this because after I removed my cornrows and washed my hair in Fairfax County, my hair turned brittle and stiff, no matter how much oil I applied.

This is important because Black women spend billions of dollars on hair care products, when the problem may not be what’s in your jars, but rather what comes out of your pipes.

Look at that thing. It hurts my head to even think about combing it…

Happy Frivolous Friday all! Did you make any random discoveries this week? Leave your findings right here ↓

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5 thoughts on “Robin Thicke is a Borga and Other Epiphanies I’ve Had This Week

    1. Malaka Post author

      I literally spit coffee through my nose. Stop disgracing Africa and you lease this image? You are so right. It’s a contradiction indeed!

  1. george

    “Despite his best efforts to go main stream,
    something will betray his roots: a slip of
    tongue; the combination of one too many
    primary colors in his ensemble; feet shod in
    croc skin boots in the height of summer”. Never in the history of the written word had any single sentence captured a very apt description of a person. Me tu mikyɛ ma wo: I doff my hat to you.

    1. Malaka Post author

      Lol! Have you heard Sarkodie’s Versace remix ‘Kumasi’?

      Sheer brilliance. And proves, as you said, hip hop started in Kumasi!

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