Women Who Defend Misogyny. Ewww.

Warning: Rant

I have been advised in the past to carefully consider the things I say and to determine whether they are necessary. I sat on this for three days and have concluded it needed to be said. Let me lead with this: Some of you need your wombs destroyed, so that you cannot further contaminate the earth with your brand of idiocy. You are literally setting humanity on a course to destruction, and enabling the imminent primate take-over with your refusal to elevate your thinking.

There is a pecking order on the Scum of the Earth scale. It’s different for every individual. Some people cannot abide politicians, used car salesmen or snake oil peddlers. For other’s still, I – with my disdain for con artist pastors who misapply/misquote/abuse the verses of the bible to suit their personal views and agendas – may represent the scum of the earth. Everyone has their non-negotiables and un-abidables.

My list consists of the following in this specific order:

  • Child molesters and predators
  • Black white supremacists
  • Women who defend and enable misogyny
  • Cyclists who refuse to move to the right during rush hour traffic

Number three on this list is a recently added item on my scum scale, as I had an inkling that these women existed, but never had any proof. Ever since I wrote that post about the vile utterances from the Archbishop Who Shall Remain Unnamed, this brand of slime for sense came oozing out of the woodwork and pooling into the comments section. I was shocked, dismayed and eventually disgusted. I have never seen a group of women so invested in their own destruction as this lot, and though I am underwhelmed by their logic (or lack thereof), I somewhat comprehend why they exist in this state.

A few months ago, maybe even close to a year, some members of the African feminist cadre were having a chat on Twitter about a woman who was the recipient of a monetary award/loan from a feminist organization to. The money was to be used to burgeon an enterprise she had begun – basket weaving or shea butter processing. I don’t remember. I followed the conversation with keen interest until its conclusion. In the end, the woman ended up giving the money to her son so that he could leave their village and start his own enterprise in the city. I was dumbfounded.

She was a silly woman, said I, and a patriarchy enabler.

The feminists piled on quickly, saying I should not be blaming the victim (the mother) and that I was being unfair in my assessment.

Now, I had no business dipping into their mentions, so I apologized and informed them I’d see my way out. Besides, how could I really make my case in 140 characters? Anything of meaning was bound to get lost in translation.

The point is, this mother in question is part of the problem where women’s rights and perceptions about women are concerned. Her actions, though I’m sure were borne of love, only go further to cement misogyny in our society. First of all, she used the loan dishonestly. The money was meant to increase HER business, not to buy tickets and pay for lodging. Second, she willingly put herself at a disadvantage by remaining stagnant in her business endeavors or possibly even risking setting herself back. Finally, she sent a message to her son and anybody else watching this interaction. That message was “I have more faith that you as a male will execute better business acumen with this money then I will. Remember your mother when you make it big.”

Haram!

Wouldn’t it have been a more powerful message to grow her business, increase her profits, and then set her son on his way with a personal load from her eventual gains? That is what a strong minded woman who believed in herself would do, but the problem is Africa – or in this case Ghana as I am referring to a select group of women I have recently come to encounter – is not populated with strong minded women…and they are willingly giving their power away.

Oprah WinfreyThere is no way I will ever allow any woman or girl in my circle to receive messaging that says that their intelligence untethered to a man will lead them to rot, or that their lives are meaningless as females without marriage. That’s preposterous messaging of the highest order. You mean to tell me that someone like Wiyaala, who has given back to her own community in several ways and is affecting performing arts in Ghana is rotten? Or that Nana Darkoa who has built a house with her own income is decayed? Or how about the empress of all single, childless women: Oprah. You really want to compare her standard to the woman who opted for a convenient marriage just to appease her family/society/church and is living a marginal life and contemplates suicide at least twice a month? But there are women who do, and do it with utter vehemence!

I understand them though. These are girls who have grown up believing they are not smart, that they are not capable, and more importantly, are not complete on their own. These women are godless servants of Lucifer. They have a form of holiness and no power therein. How dare you insult the work of the living God? You were fearfully and wonderfully made, and now you have relegated yourself to the status of a man’s trinket. House, car, wife…that’s where you fall on his list. Swine.

You know these women, Reader! These are the women who look you in the mouth and ask another woman “But what did you do to provoke him” after their battered friend has come for solace. These are the women who pay for their sons to go to football camp and withhold money or supplies for their daughter’s class projects. These are the women who clap in church when the pastor says a woman’s place is not to think, but to allow her husband to make decisions for her. The bible says the man is the head, and the brain dwells in the head, not in the body.

These women seem harmless enough, but they are a cancer. They are a disease being spread to the next generation, and they must be rooted out and neutralized!

A key part missing in the conversation about women’s issues is the issue of the mind. Misogynist messages and patriarchal patterns dominate global culture, and I am of the opinion that it is only because too many women have allowed it to be so. Women’s organizations have thrown money and resources at the issues plaguing the female populace, but how much time has been invested in changing women’s thinking? This is the only way to win this war against women, and that’s by destroying any notion that a man is altogether better than a woman, simply because she lacks possession of a penis.

Please. If you know you are one of these women who sees yourself as inferior and seeks to promote your inferiority complex and all its accompanying issues, be prepared to lock horns with folks like me. I’ll be damned if my daughters are dealing with this same brand of crap in 20 years because of you’ve got cum for brains.

Rant/

  • Ibk

    This was such a great read, had me laughing a lot.

    And I agree… but not just on women, but on people who do nothing in general. We are enablers. We allow these things to happen and we just rather ignore than challenge

    • Me, I even understand men who don’t say anything in these instances. Men benefit from patriarchy. I get it. You don’t want to rock the boat that carries your fish. It’s the women who not only condone but promote a system that subjugates them that have earned my eternal scorn.
      Donkeys.

      Glad to have given you a chuckle! 🙂

  • Nana Ama

    Great piece! It had me thinking of how quickly we are losing some important facets of our ‘true traditional Akan values and practices’. The Akan as you know are matrilineal and have always had equal access to resources – land, capital to generate her own income.We are the archetypal working married mothers! Marriage is important to Akan women, because any children from the union, belong to her and her lineage. Indeed, divorce is frowned on, (‘there is no marital wahala that cannot be settled under the sun’, we are told during our marriage ceremony). There are however, only two clear grounds on which an Akan woman may seek divorce – domestic violence, and if she is starved of sex!
    Yes, that’s right! Should her husband dare to lay his hand on her, she only has to inform her brothers who will set upon him! (That is the reason behind the payment of ‘Akonta sikan’ money paid by the groom to a bride’s brother(s) at our traditional marriage ceremony. The phrase literally means ‘Brother in-law knife’. Kind of advance payment to avoid being stabbed for laying a hand on their sister!).
    As an Akan woman’s lineage is assured by her children, especially female children, if he is busy servicing other wives and not paying her ‘proper mind’, she has every right to pack her stuff back to her parents’ house and cite the coded phrase “I am too young to starve”!
    How else is a sister supposed to have the children who will confirm she has been on this earth?
    All these insights are being lost so fast, it makes me ‘scholarly’ today when this was widely known and understood when I was a girl, not that many moons ago!
    That is why and how the likes of Duncan Williams can get away with spouting off pseudo-Christian nonsense and some stupid women clutch his claptrap to their bosoms and hold on to them for dear life!
    I wish there was a way of sieving them out of existence!

    • As for you Nana Ama, when you comment, it makes my heart jigga!

      I mourn the loss of our traditions, and deeply. Especially when you consider that we’ve traded such wealth for what you aptly describe as pseudo-Christianity! It’s painful. Our fore mothers must be rolling in their graves.

  • Sela

    OMG…that was an impassioned tirade if ever I’ve read one. As a felllow penis-challenged human I was right there with you is every single key stroke.

    Sometimes it’s enough to know someone else ‘sees’ :). Thanks for ranting enough for the mob of us (7-to-1 qualifies as a mob, no?).

    If it’s any solace ‘This too shall pass’, even this woman-hating existence will someday fade away.

    PS. You are a great writer.

    Signed,
    A future writer

    • You are going to be a fantastic writer! I already know! You have figured out the mathematics and science of 7:1…how can you NOT be successful? 😉
      All the best to you, sis!

      • Sela

        Hahaha…;) Keep doing you, sis.
        The mob’s sending some mad positive vibes your way to cancel out the noise.

  • Hi. Please they said they’re sorry wai. LOL I’ve head and repeated many times that if Patriarchy was a war we were fighting, their home base would be in the conscience of women. That the most important demonstration of power is not through brute force but to make your victims comply and believe that their actions are of their own free will. While I am of the camp of coddling and cuddling marginalized people until they’re powerful enough to walk, I think this is a great demonstration of dragging them, propping them up and demanding they take their first step. It was so refreshing. It felt like you were daring them to be free subjects, that you were not going to excuse their self-deprecating, self-harming nonsense, that they had to defend themselves NOW. It was a show of tough love. Women weren’t going to be given the benefit of us constantly making excuses about why we don’t do better. You were saying it is our suffering, our obligations, and our solutions and change in the way we view ourselves that will bring OUR liberation. Adopt me k3k3 and stop your too known, I am too impressed.

    • Oh beh you, you are my age mate! Come for tea and bread, not adoption. We are on parallel levels. LOL!

  • Florence Ansere-Bioh

    I can’t agree with you more.It is okay to be married but if I am not married, it does mean that I am worse off. Many married women would have been better off being single.Some of these so-called “men of God” have their own world view and people who do not fall within these “life boxes” are made to feel very disadvantaged. If marriage was the ultimate and a privilege as he seem to be portraying, why did he get divorced? I didn’t want to get personal but that is what it is. I don’t like it when people try to bring others down.

  • Jade

    I really feel sorry for women who encourage misogyny. I don’t blame them though. The problem is that they are so used to men being “the heads” that they can’t imagine it the other way round. I grew up with a single mother and I have learnt that my sex doesn’t limit me at all… I wish other women would learn that.

    • I get what you mean. There’s so much unlearning that needs to be done. Thank goodness you had an alternate/positive view growing up. Sigh.