Why I am Grateful to A’mighty Gawd for the Lives of Willow and Jaden Smith

It’s been a tough week. Between Baanigate, #MyDressMyChoice and Band Aid 30 telling me there will be no joy in West Africa this Christmas, I’ve been sorta blue. But Darriz God, and sometimes he sends a ray of light in the midst of your darkest storm. Yesterday, he sent us all Willow and Jaden Smith, whose existence constitutes the total loin fruit Jada and Will Smith.

Willow and Jaden Smith will either evolve into robotic condors capable of living on “essence” and voyaging autonomously to space, or they will crash and burn when the reality of the matrix with which we find ourselves finally hits them. Either way, the pair is in for an extraordinary future. They are not common, like the rest of us. Herh!

Photo Source: Time

Photo Source: Time

Until yesterday, I had NO IDEA there was a theoretical physicist living inside my mind, or that I was capable of affecting time. In fact, time isn’t real. In fact, I am not even using time to exist in this moment. In 6 seconds I could be 600 years old, or I could be an infant, depending on where I find myself in the universe.

Time Mag: I’m curious about your experience of time. Do you feel like life is moving really quickly? Is your music one way to sort of turn it over and reflect on it?

WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.

JADEN: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.

WILLOW: Because living.

JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There’s a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it’s living.

WILLOW: It’s the action of it.

You see? Robotic Space Voyaging Condors!

For some people, thinking happy and sad thoughts can be maddening. (I think the medical community has defined that state as being bipolar, but what do I know?) However the Smith children have declared that no one feels or thinks one thing at one time, because the brain has two hemispheres. There is therefore a duality to ALL our thoughts. Thinking two thoughts at the same time is normal.


JADEN: Exactly. Because your mind has a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness. And you can’t listen to your mind in those times — it’ll tell you what you think and also what other people think.

Aba. What is the opposite of an apple? Since I am not on a higher conscious plane, I asked the only people in my house who may know: my children.

“The opposite of an apple is a banana,” Nadjah replied triumphantly. Top marks for this one! At least one of my children is a candidate for Robotic Condor Evolution. Aya just giggled foolishly and said there is no opposite of an apple. How can fruit have opposites? Silly girl. She will dwell in mediocrity with the rest of us who have spent our lives in school.

This is what happens when you don’t read your own books…exclusively. You let the foolishness of other people like Einstein, Aristotle and Nelson Mandela clutter your thoughts!

WILLOW: That’s what I do with novels. There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.

JADEN: Willow’s been writing her own novels since she was 6.

And that is why this now 16 year old girl thinks she can achieve Naruto style chakra Fire Fox tings. Her mind is contracts and expands within itself. You are not on her level. Go and sit down!

Finally, I discovered that I need a whole new set of goals. I have set the bar too low for myself. What is this foolishness about wanting to be an author and raise a happy family? If you only get one life to live, you better make it count! Which is why Jaden Smith has formulated a life goal of becoming Durable Man(!)…the most durable man on the planet.

JADEN: I have a goal to be just the most craziest person of all time. And when I say craziest, I mean, like, I want to do like Olympic-level things. I want to be the most durable person on the planet.


I am NOTHING, and neither are you. Even with our goals and powers combined, they are meaningless. How can we outlast the most durable man on the planet?


Please. Go and buy Willow and Jaden Smith’s new album now – right now. We can’t allow poverty/middle-classery to force these people to join the ranks of regular society. Their celebrity existence is the only thing that can sustain these thoughts. They are not of our world. Let’s do all we can to help them stay in theirs! They couldn’t handle going to school; you think they could handle working at Wal-Mart?

What? You said “middle-classery” is not a word? It is now…because I spoke it. Middle-classery, like “melancholiness” is now a word. Stop being envious. Elevate your consciousness. Go and make up your own words and qualify yourself for Robotic Condor life.

Read the full interview from the precocious Smith children here. It will restore you.