*Warning: This post contains gratuitous (and crude) references to the male reproductive organ. If you take offense to the words “penis”, “dangle” and “cock”, you should probably stop reading right abooouuuut…NOW.
It would appear that we’re all going to have get comfortable with seeing penises in places we are not traditionally accustomed to encountering them. Whereas environments like bathrooms and bedrooms are normal grounds for penile exposure, we are now discovering that loin beasts are encroaching on nontraditional territory. It would be behoove us all to be ever vigilant, because you don’t know when someone’s cock is going to strike and/or make an unexpected appearance.
For instance, earlier this year, Lenny Kravitz’s penis shot through his leather pants like a little brown missile while he was performing on stage. Wanlov the Kubolor had his nudes from a video shoot industrially distributed on social media by a TV anchor/radio personality (whose name escapes me now). That was not his choice. But prior to that, he glibly lifted his skirt on the Delay show to demonstrate that he doesn’t wear underwear, an act for which her was soundly admonished for by the more prudish members of society. He has since claimed that he would expose himself again, given the opportunity.We were shocked, shocked I say by his brazenness! And just 48 hours ago, an up and coming artist named Wisa Greid eclipsed all these moments when he whipped out his dick during what he describes as a moment of euphoria on stage.
Yes. You heard me right. Dude, freed his little Willie and left it stranded on his elastic band like a chubby baby penguin. (He has since apologized.)
His management team said he just “got caught up in the moment”.
On December 24th, 2015, Citi FM hosted its annual ‘Decemba 2 Rememba’ celebration of music and the arts in Ghana. It was a packed house, with the audience uniformly clad in white t-shirts and blue jeans. All of Ghana’s Twitteratti was in attendance. Reviews of the show were mixed, with many people claiming the performances were just a’ight with the exception of Reggie Rockstone, Eazzy and Stonebwoy who rocked the crowd’s entire face off. But as exceptional as these artists may have been in delivering their talent, there is only ONE moment that has dominated the chatter on social media for the past two days: And that is the introduction of Wisa Greid’s cock to the whole of Accra…and to the rest of the world, thanks to the magic of YouTube.
I had never heard of Wisa Greid – an artist who has one hit under his belt – until this weekend. I know this may sound “controversial”, but I think Wisa did himself a favor by exposing his genitalia and attempting to dry hump his backup dancer during a live performance. I’m sure it was unpleasant for the dancer, (and we’ll have to talk about her feelings about being publicly violated and the liberties men take with Ghanaian women’s bodies in general in depth another time) but if you look at this faux pas and compare it to say, a certain Ms. Universe event, it was brilliant. Let’s be honest: had Steve Harvey not crowned the wrong winner last week, very few of us would have known that Ms. Universe had even been televised. Why? Because no one really cares about Ms. Universe, or the contestants, or their platform. Likewise, if Wisa Greid had not jiggled ‘little Wisa’ to the crowd, no one would really be focusing on him past Thursday night.
Ei! But we’re all talking now. It wouldn’t surprise me if ‘Wisa’ is about to become an adjective/adverb/verb relating to poor decision making somewhere in the very near future.
“Chale, I Wisa the whole exam!”
“Mehn…this MP wan’ Wisa me, eh?”
“You be Wisa guy!”
It’s just the Ghanaian way of doing things.
I have to admit: I saw the video and I was shocked. When people were tweeting that Wisa had pulled out his penis on stage, I thought perhaps he had just dropped his trousers and was showing more Fruit of the Loom than we’re all accustomed to. I didn’t realize he had his actual twig and berries in his hand and was chasing his backup dancer around the stage, vainly attempting to penetrate her shorts. I mean…dag!
A few people have come to Wisa’s defense, the most vocal being Ameyaw Debrah and Jayso, both of whom I have great respect for professionally.
In accordance with the Bro Code, they have also defended him against those who have ridiculed the size of this man bits.
I had to pause on Jayso’s assertion though. Bruh. If part of your creative process is to stroke yourself while you’re singing, there’s a time and place for that. Like maybe in the studio…or in the bathroom while you’re dreaming up new bars. But you just CAN’T just do a shlong song – and brandish said shlong – on stage in front of thousands (and now millions, because YouTube) of people because you’re school-girl giddy about performing for such a large crowd for the first time. What if we did that in other areas of our lives?
I have spent some time thinking about this.
Wisa gets a visa
Immigration officer: Well Mr. Greid! It looks like all your papers are in order. You’ve been approved for travel to London.
Wisa: Really? This is fantastic!
Immigration officer: Yes. This is one of the few times I’ve seen the paperwork go through so quickly. You’re a very lucky man.
Wisa: I’m so excited. I’m going to pull out my penis.
Immigration officer: What?
Wisa: Shhhh…*pulls out cock and tries to poke immigration officer with it through the window*
Immigration officer: Mr. Greid! I never!
Wisa: I’m so sorry. I just got caught up in the moment. This is the first time my visa has been approved for travel. Can I offer you some groundnuts by way of apology? I keep a pack next to my other nuts…
Wisa proposes to his girlfriend
Wisa: Baby. I think it’s time we took our relationship to the next level.
Girlfriend: What do you mean, Wisa? I thought this was as far as we could go. I mean, with your career and these groupies and all…
Wisa: Baby, you know these thots don’t mean a damn thing to me. I’ll prove it to you. *Pulls out a diamond ring*
Girlfriend (gasping): Wisa! It’s beautiful! I’m so excited! Of course I’ll marry you!
Wisa (pulls out dick and chases fiancé around the restaurant): I’m excited too, baby!
People in the restaurant: ….
Wisa buries his grandfather
Wisa (weeping): Mehn…This nigga right here? He was my world mehnnn. He was my rock! I’m going to miss him so much.
Priest: Yes. Your grandfather was a very good man. Very devout. He will be missed by the community.
Lawyer: You know, Mr. Greid, the old man left you a sizeable inheritance. You will be a very wealthy man, once these papers have been signed. Your wealth could rival the Jonah’s easily! You may be sad about your grandfather’s passing, but your life is about to change drastically and for the better. How does that make you feel?
Wisa (smiling): Heh heh heh….
You see how whipping your dick out because you’re excited might NOT be the best (or wisest) reaction during pivotal moments in our lives? Nevertheless, congratulations, Wisa Greid. You have succeeded in doing something that no other Ghanaian man has done before, and will probably never do hence: Your name has become synonymous with the public exposure of your genitals. You have become a Kardashian. Things can ONLY get better from here!