My Children Have Started Pranking Me Already. These Wikkid Pipo. And I’m Having a Sale on All My Books.

As I type, it’s 3:35 am…so I don’t know how much sense this post is going to make. I’m sure I’ll look over it at noon and ask myself, “Self! Were you on crack when you wrote this?”

And I’ll say, “Naw, Self! I was just tired as Usain Bolt chasing a Nima boy for stealing his yams!”

What?

Exactly.

A couple of things are running through my mind right now. Like, why is Liya (the 5 year old) in my bed snoring and stealing all of my cover? She hasn’t come to my room with a nightmare…well, ever. Why is she here today on THIS day? Because she’s pranking me. And she doesn’t even know it. I’ll show her at 6 am who is boss around these parts for her treachery. I won’t pour milk for her!

Secondly, I suspect my children were behind the Soy Milk incident yesterday. The cap of my unopened soy had been cut into a perfect triangle. This being America, it could only mean one thing: some psychopath was trying to kill me! Mmmm. You know Americans enjoy poisoning other Americans by tampering with their food and medicine. I spent 30 minutes trying to return that milk last night. My local Publix is only 1 mile away. Why did it take that long? Because my children had conspired with the city of Roswell to punch out the traffic lights and back up traffic all the way to Crabapple Rd!

These children with their Larteh inherited magical powers. I’ll show them!

My second born has been talking about all the YouTube videos she’s been watching and how she can’t wait to release all the pranks she’s picked up over the past few days. Humph. I’m going to go through her viewing history so I can be ready. 9 year olds are cute…but they can be ruthless little things.

Look at me. All paranoid about the dangers a 9 year old and some peanut butter pose…

Lastly, and now I’m going to bed because I’m legit seeing hoofed mermaids dancing across my screen, all my books on StoreFoundry are 14%. Today only! Why? Because I’m feeling generous, despite the fact that my surroundings and the people who dwell therein are conspiring against my greatness. I no go chop last in Jesus’ name!

Click the link here to get your items on sale. But not if you live in the UK or America! Shipping is coming from Ghana and is like forty bucks. If you spend $40 in shipping to save 14% dierrr, you’ve pranked yourself! Screen Shot 2016-04-01 at 3.49.33 AM

Who wants to guess why everything is 14% off?

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2 thoughts on “My Children Have Started Pranking Me Already. These Wikkid Pipo. And I’m Having a Sale on All My Books.

  1. AM

    Just wanted to say I’m so proud of you. You are now an authoress. 💋 Keep up the good work my dear sister in crazy.

    1. Malaka Post author

      Ohhh my sweet potato sugar banana! I’ve missed your nutty essence! Thank you my friend. I appreciate the words of encouragement. I’ll do my best to make you proud. ❤️💛💚

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