By now most everyone knows that a part of my work is to write on sex and sexuality for my other blog, Adventures From the Bedrooms of African Women, which I started with my BFFFL – Nana Darkoa – almost 12 years ago. If you don’t: SURPRISE!
Naturally, a part of that process requires quite a bit of research into all aspects of sex and pleasure, including, but not limited to the technical, technological, political, religious and spiritual influences that impact our sex lives. This is how my research led me to the discovery of astral sex, and why I have decided to write about it today. Is it something I should include in my romantic repertoire? I thought I had the answer, but now I’m not so sure.
There are numerous definitions, explanations and modes of execution on astral sex described online. I have distilled all of those and defined it as an out of body experience (OBE) wherein your soul links up with another and y’all hump in the ether. (There are more poetic and scientific descriptions and I invite you to research those on your own.) I think it’s important to note early that like any sort of sexual contact one engages in, it’s important to have the full consent of your intended partner. There are concerns surrounding some people using OBE to violate other folk while they are in an induced sleep state, which as you can imagine, presents challenges in reporting and investigating.
Here’s what intrigued me about astral sex: It seems like a great tool to have in your arsenal, especially in our current context of a global pandemic where physical touch and travel is so perspective. It also feels like the perfect lazy woman’s answer to pleasuring her partner when the rest of the day has been so overwhelming. It doesn’t require any physical exertion, showering before or after the encounter (I’m fairly sure my soul doesn’t sweat) and affords me the opportunity to multitask. I can have deep sleep AND have what I hope is decent sex at the same time! It all sounds good…too good to be true. And I have questions; so many bloody questions!
What if my husband leaves his spiritual penis behind when he enters his OBE?
Is there erectile dysfunction in the spiritual realm?
What if someone else shows up in my astral projection? What’s the protocol for asking them to leave?
Can our souls do it anywhere we want? Like in an ice cave in Switzerland? Can I be Black Elsa and go into the unknown?
How do you CUM in the spirit? I mean, what’s the point of taking the abysmal reality known as the ‘orgasm gap’ into the ether?
***It’s at this point that I begin to chuckle as I think about writing this article.***
Hubby: What’s funny?
Me: Tells him everything I just told you.
Hubby (after giving it some thought): That’s a good question.
Me: Assuming you can, what does an astral nut look like?
Hubby: ASTRoids. And it’s called an ASTRAL SHOWER.
Me (cackling with glee because I have finally succeeded in ruining someone’s straight laced son): BWAHAHAHA!
I asked him if he’d be interested in trying it, and because this man has long given up on having a conversation with me that even resembles anything reasonable or coherent he says, “Sure. Why the heck not?”
Me: But what if I get there and you’re not there? What if you don’t want to do it in that moment?
Hubby: Ha! I’m always going to want to do it.
And then we talk about the astral babies we’ll make and how we can’t shirk our responsibilities even though most of our time in this physical realm. So I was all ready to find some sexy spiritual lingerie and give this thing a go…until by chance, I turned on Netflix and clicked on a show that I’d seen folk talking about but hadn’t had any personal interest in watching: Behind Her Eyes.
Have y’all seen this ISH?!?!?!
Without giving too much away, it’s about a troubled couple that becomes a platonic + amorous threesome with the introduction of a single mother named Louise. It heavily explores the theme of astral projection and has successfully put me off the concept forever and ever. Please, I beg you with God: I don’t want to have has astral anything with anybody. Everyone should just remain in their body until the Holy Ghost calls us to Glory!
If this makes me a “prude”, then so be it. I will not be spiritually slut shamed by anybody! That’s all I have to say about THAT.
‘Ether humping’ sounds crazy, right? But there are people who believe these things and put them into practice. It’s the ultimate hubris to believe that the limits of our personal experience constitute the limits of this – and other – worlds. What about you? Would you ever consider giving astral sex/projection a try? Hit me up on Twitter or in the comments to discuss!