Madness Archives - Page 2 of 33

“Di Rice Dun Finish. Dem Say E Go Extinct.” – Inside the Dark Mind of Nnedi Okorafor

Posted on November 22, 2020
by Malaka
with 2 Comments

Close your eyes and think about the future a hundred, maybe a thousand years ahead. What’s the worst thing you can imagine? What event would you consider utterly catastrophic? Nnedi Okorafor puts forward an unutterable possibility. This week on my best friend’s podcast, LeVar Burton…

I Faked An Orgasm and Earned the Nickname “Rambo” For My Troubles

Posted on October 1, 2020
by Malaka
with 4 Comments

Kwame, if you’re reading, don’t think I forgot! Y’all swear “I never told you” so many things, but over the past 11 years on this blog, you’ve heard about the inner workings of my womb, mammary glands, follicles, nightmares… So what’s a story about the…

When you refuse to practice social distancing, I have to practice being a social douche bag.

Posted on June 22, 2020
by Malaka
with 0 Comments

On the 17th of June, South African President Cyril Ramaphosa addressed the nation. "Y'all wanna go outside so bad; and drink your liquor so bad; and get y'all nails li'l done SO BAD - then yeah! Gwan den! Just wear a mask when you do!"…

He Calls Me Abeenah Ghyay-kay

Posted on April 16, 2020
by Malaka
with 0 Comments

LeVar Burton is my Reading Rainbae, and yesterday he said my name during his live Twitter reading session! LeVar Burton needs no introduction, but in case you’ve been living under a rock for the past 40 years, here’s a quick introduction. The acclaimed actor, producer,…

My 40s Are Kicking My Ass

Posted on January 21, 2020
by Malaka
with 0 Comments

Hi. Hey. Happy New Year and so forth. I really wish that I could’ve titled this piece something a little more genteel to suit you all’s fragile sensibilities, but that’s the plain truth: My 40s are kicking the crap outta me. I actually began writing…

Why You Should Always Check Your Receipt Whenever You Eat At The Marriott

Posted on June 27, 2019
by Malaka
with 0 Comments

Let me tell you about how I got scammed at an Ohio based Marriott hotel/restaurant. Have you ever been scammed by someone in the food or service industry? If so, you can identify with that snowed under feeling you experience when you realize what/how/WTH happened.…

So Let Me Tell Y’all About This Camp I Just Left…

Posted on February 25, 2019
by Malaka
with 2 Comments

“You really think I care if some funky fourteen-year-old doesn’t like me?” So, you’re probably wondering how I got here. Those of you with kids can imagine the plethora of scenarios that led to me screaming these words by the marshy shores of a South…

The Secret Life of Flies

Posted on February 7, 2019
by Malaka
with 1 Comment

I killed a fly this morning. I don’t know about you, but there’s something refreshing about confessing one’s insecticidal tendencies. I feel cleansed. So yeah, I killed him. (FYI: All insects are male.) Big ol’, blue bottle, buzzin’ bugger. He was sitting on my windowsill…

Dreadlocking in South Africa is the Ultimate 419/Sakawa/MLM Scam

Posted on November 19, 2018
by Malaka
with 4 Comments

The South African hair care market was valued at $ 451.8 million in 2017 and is projected to reach $490.4 million by 2023. (Source: Industry Reports) Black hair is versatile, and allows those of us with curlier locks a dynamic range in styling options: cornrows,…

‘Like Cotton Twines’ Is A Stitch in Time

Posted on September 17, 2018
by Malaka
with 0 Comments

Imagine someone in your family committed a horrible crime. Perhaps your uncle committed adultery or your father murdered a man and buried his body in a shallow grave. Such crimes cannot go disregarded or unpunished. Society would descend into anarchy and chaos would govern. The…