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Motherhood

Built to Make Babies

In the world of reproductive activity there are 3 types of women. There are those who are barren and will never have children: In fact, some are so allergic to their mate's semen that they break out in rashes upon seminal contact. Then there are those in…

Trying to Raise a Socially Decent Child

I wanted to do a happy-happy post today; I did. But this is the second day in a row I've been called into my daughter's school to discuss her "attitude" since she got back from her douche bag sire's house this weekend. I swear, it's…

Your Neighborhood Narco Nanny

Quick! Take a good look at this face. Would you let this man watch your kids? Look deeeep into his half closed eyes and tell me what's the first thing you think of. Whatever it is, I bet you've got it all wrong. This is…

That's Right. Call Your Daddy.

Virtually every first time mom I know has the same complaint when it comes to their baby's first word. From Accra to Amsterdam, the first word a baby invariably utters is "daddy" in some shape or form. My Indian friend's children said "baba" first. My…

Happy Mother's Day, Punk!

I spent Mother's day 2009 much the same way I'll probably spend this one: Pregnant, fat and exhausted. What I'm hoping, however, is that my children will spare me the antics of last year's holiday for the 2010 version. As I lay in my bed…

There Are No Bad Kids

I read somewhere that there are no bad employees, only bad managers. If someone takes the time to fill out an application, get dressed for an interview and show up for work every day (or most days), then they obviously want/need to work. When their…

The Clean up Woman

Recognizing that I am not coping well with this whole 3 kids in 4 years and a 4th on the way thing, my husband has offered me something that no other man has given me before: maid service. "I have a surprise for you babe,"…

Chile, you obviously don't know me

I've figured out what makes raising kids so hard. It's not the messes they create, or the feeding schedules if they are infants, or the incessant questions if they are toddlers/pre-schoolers...it's the mere fact that you and your children are strangers to one another. It's true. Yes,…

When Pregnant People Fart

Unless you have been pregnant or lived in a house with a pregnant woman, there is no earthly way you're going to be able to relate to what I'm about to say here. All the same, I'm going to attempt to usher you into a…

Sometimes Being a Mom Means Giving Up

The other night one of my best friends from college came over to visit the family. She's seen me go from svelte, clueless Ghanaian to overweight, guarded 'American' in the 12 years that we've known each other. She's seen me at my best and my…