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Essays in: Madness

Categories:  MotherhoodMarriageMadnessMusingsPhoto Essay FridayRHKOASay what??The South African SeriesUncategorizedGH2013
Madness

Questions That Keep Nagging Me

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I don’t have all the answers, and never pretended that I have. It must be incredibly boring to be a know- it-all, and most likely even more frustrating to live in perfect belief that you do know it all, only to discover through some mundane event (like tripping over one’s shoe lace) that you really […]

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Madness

I Want To Help Russell Simmons Improve His ADD

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As you all know, Russell Simmons launched his All Def Digital YouTube page this week with The Harriet Tubman Sex Diaries as the debut skit. Hilarity – shockingly – did not ensue. People were pretty darn outraged. I’m sure Uncle Rush did not understand why, particularly since the skit was the “funniest thing” he’d ever […]

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Madness

Russell Simmons is a Bloody, Sold Out Idiot

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You’ll have to forgive me for the rather ineloquent title. Unfortunately, “Ultimate Douche Bag” is reserved for someone else whom I loathe with unbridled disdain and “bloody, sold out idiot” just seemed apropos for the moment. Because surely, this is idiotic. Have you seen this? This is Russell Simmons contribution to “comedy”: [youtube=http://youtu.be/akRu9oyJT9U] Apparently, Mr. […]

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Madness

An Open Letter to Ms. Naa aka Naa Adzorkor aka My ‘Cousin’

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Ehhh, yes. Naa Adzokor. I sent you a tweet telling you how grateful or proud (I can’t remember which) I am that you have always stayed true to yourself. Ah yes, here it is. I wish I could say that my favorable estimations concerning your down-ness were borne from daydreams about you as a individual, […]

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Madness

Malaka Grant. Occupation: Terrorist

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Eiii! It’s not me ooo. But if you do a Google search on my name, you might mistake this criminally inclined woman for yours truly. Allow me to explain. Last night I was indulging in my not-so-secret fantasy of becoming a Ghanaian script writer/call center operator. My obsession led me to Google Shirley Frimpong-Manso, whom […]

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Madness

Yet Another Open Letter to Idris Elba

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Heh. You this Idris Elba. You’ve come again, eh? Humph. I thought we had come to some sort of understanding after the Smart Water incident. Clearly, my words have fallen on deaf ears. I even tried to communicate with you using sign language, by my fingers must have encountered blind eyes as well. But you […]

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Madness

I Finally Understand Zimmerman’s Supporters

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Note: They’re still inbred idiots – and I by no means AGREE with their fanciful depictions of what happened that fateful night – but I understand them… and that is the point. This post contains graphic images. Be warned. There are some things that you just cannot unsee, no matter how hard you close your […]

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Madness

Who Is This Man? He Just Blew a Gaping Hole in Zimmerman's Defense

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This video has been making the rounds on social media over the last few days. This guy (whoever he is) just picked apart Zimmerman’s entire defense and all his claims about how the fight between him and Trayvon Martin unfolded, down to the minutiae. We all know George Zimmerman is a liar, and a proven […]

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Madness

How Six White Women Would Have ‘Quickly’ Shot Shaquille O’Neal, According to Geraldo

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I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and seeing, so I played it twice more. My ears were not deceiving me. Once again, Geraldo Rivera was blaming an unarmed teen for his violent, and apparently slow and painful death. Dr. Bao already confirmed that it took Trayvon Martin anywhere from one to three minutes to […]

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Madness

A Rant for Trayvon and Against the Society That Freed His Murderer

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I’m going to say some things on this post that are going to cost me some followers, some readers, maybe even some friends. I absolutely do not care. I’m going to say some things about White people. I’m going to say some things about Black people. I’m going to make liberal use of the f-bomb, […]

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Madness

I’ve Pinpointed Why I’m SO Upset with This Hampton University Flier

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I’ve told you how I ended up at the university I went to, right? No? Well gather ‘round chil’run! It’s an amusing story, best told with brevity. My mother, as some of you know, was (and I think, still is) a militarized Black woman. She didn’t like White folk, but she learned to get along […]

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Madness

My Father’s 35 Minute Rant on Imported Toothpicks and Other Profundities

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I always wait too long to talk to my father. The last time we talked was – what? – two weeks ago? It’s to imagine I went a full two years without talking to the old man… “Yes… Abena Owusua. What do you want?” “Kwasi Gyekye. How are you this evening?” “Hmmm. I’m okay. My […]

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Madness

I Have No Thoughts on Angelina Jolie and her Breast Cancer

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I opened my inbox today and found a note from my favorite teacher. I was all at once excited. We have a pretty decent bond and have managed to keep in touch, even though I have not been under his tutelage in seventeen years. I tore into his message, which read this in part: Howdy? […]

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Madness

I Think I Was at a Gay Church, But I’m Not Sure… Part 2

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The excitement in the room was contagious. Three rows behind us was the Queen’s Hallelujah Quartet – four women whooping, and hollering, and screaming “AMEN!” every time there was mention of the Fragrance Protector’s accomplishments. Finally, she came to the tiny stage. I strained my neck to get a better look her. As she prepared […]

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Madness

I Think I Was at a Gay Church, But I’m Not Sure… Part 1

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We’re human. We judge other humans. We just do. I am judged every time I step out of my house, and I’ve come to live with it. People look at me and think “African American female, natural hair, 4 kids. She must be unmarried, Democrat, on some form of public assistance.” Then they find out […]

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Madness

The Girl Who Dreamt of Writing a Book

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It’s a question that every child gets asked at some point in their life: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” When I was between the ages of 8 and 10 I knew exactly  what I wanted to be when I grew up. “A baker, a writer, an actress and a mermaid,” […]

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Madness

My Father’s Epic 20 Minute Rant on Obama, Ambolley and Current Events

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My Aunt Elizabeth passed away a little less than a month ago and was buried over the weekend. She was a three years older than my dad and was one of my favorites. With the stark reminder that all life comes with an expiration date, I decided to call the old man to check up […]

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Madness

Duets with Ambolley: The World Ain’t Ready!

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Every once in a while, something magical happens that shifts the course of your existence. It’s rare that someone who does not bear the last name ‘Gyekye’ takes me by the hand and guides me into M.O.M. mode, but that’s what Gyedu-Blay Ambolley did last night. Like a newly dropped leaf floating wantonly on babbling, […]

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Madness

Douche Garden Part Deux

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I was in love with a Douche Bag once. I’ve written extensively about him here on MOM over the years. I’ve talked about the numerous times I’ve paid his bills, financed his dry cleaning, brought him food, bore his baby, paid some more bills, and finally ended up in court. HE took ME to court […]

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Madness

A Garden of Douche Bags at a Store Near You

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Nobody knows what it’s like to work in retail. You think you have an idea, but until you’ve experienced the genuine horrors of working with the public, you really have no idea. Being a retail worker is a multifaceted job. You have be a janitor, cocktail waitress, psychologist and peace advocate while occasionally throwing in […]

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Madness

The Day I Unwittingly Objectified a Music Legend: Ambolley

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I didn’t set out with sexual harassment on my mind, but it’s one of those unfortunate consequences of giving an individual like me access to a keyboard, a smartphone, a podium…pretty much any vehicle that allows one to communicate with humanity. You see, sometime last week, I got a tweet from Gyedu Blay Ambolley. He […]

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