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Essays in: Madness

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Madness

Day 3: What it feels like to have your first yeast infection

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I’m going to tell you this story in the strictest confidence. You must promise to keep it between you and me! Deal? Great. I didn’t have my first pap smear until I was 27 years old. Pause. I need to call up my OB/GYN and schedule an appointment to celebrate our tenth anniversary. After all, […]

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Madness

David Oyelowo’s Wife is Wicked

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Last night’s Golden Globes Awards ceremony was chock-full of surprises and memorable moments. Prince, His Royal Purpleness and wielder of diamond studded scepters, made an unexpected appearance and doled out the award for Best Original Song. After accepted the award from His Purple Majesty, Common went on to make an electrifying speech in which he […]

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Madness

New Year, No Edges

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My first post of the New Year was going to be a blog entitled Things Only the Blood of Jesus Can Fix featuring these poor, misguided souls. You may have seen these faces in the news: But then I went to the salon to get my hair done two nights before we crossed into 2015 […]

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Madness

Is KKD Ghana’s Bill Cosby or is he Just "Misunderstood"?

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Note: I am writing this post today with the understanding that several things are going to happen, because we’re dealing with the Ghanaian public, and it is a citizenry that excels in hypocrisy and assumptions. Ghanaian attitudes about rape are right out of an 18th century Russian melodrama: hardly factual, deferring to the strength and […]

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Madness

I Have a Gray Hair on My Vagina

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Yes, yes. I know. “TMI”. Get over it. I’m having a crisis! Let’s deal with this. When you’re a kid, there are certain things in the human development cycle that your parents have the foresight to prepare you for (if they are good parents). They warn you about the evils of wet dreams that may […]

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Madness

D’Angelo’s “Black Messiah” Saves 2014

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D’Angelo has released his first album in 14 years. This is a phrase you will hear repeated again and again this week, and for very good reason. D’Angelo’s release of Black Messiah is exactly what America – and Black America in particular – needed in this hour. The reason is simple: As Fela Kuti said […]

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Madness

The Beyoncé Video Through the Eyes Of the Maid

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Unless you are a turtle – or an 80 year old man pretending to be a turtle – chances are you are aware of the existence of Beyoncé’s new 7/11 video. Trust me: It’s somewhere on your timeline between Ferguson, Football and Black Friday/Cyber Monday. Initial reactions to the video were predictable and of course, […]

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Madness

Why I am Grateful to A’mighty Gawd for the Lives of Willow and Jaden Smith

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It’s been a tough week. Between Baanigate, #MyDressMyChoice and Band Aid 30 telling me there will be no joy in West Africa this Christmas, I’ve been sorta blue. But Darriz God, and sometimes he sends a ray of light in the midst of your darkest storm. Yesterday, he sent us all Willow and Jaden Smith, […]

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Madness

Accra is Gotham. Can it be Saved?

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In the Gotham allegory, Batman is the symbol of hope in a city that is so depraved and corrupt that the only way to root out that corruption is through violence. Batman doesn’t hold symposiums and forums encouraging city corrupt leaders and crime bosses to stop ruining the city by appealing to their more delicate […]

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Madness

Fangirl Friday: Why I Absolutely Love ‘Delay’

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“I have a radio program, three television shows, a shoe shop and my own brand of mackerel. I am just raking in the money and I have no children. So what do I do? I shop and I dress up. I dress up for YOU to enjoy watching ME. We’ll be right back after this […]

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Madness

That One Time I Tried Entitlement on for Size

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Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly are constantly making much ado about people of color and our “entitlements”. You know, just because we’ve endured socially engineered and government sanctioned poverty and oppression since – I dunno – 1625, we think we’re entitled to food and housing. I get it though. Nobody likes a mooch. Shame on […]

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Madness

Persona of the World’s Paranoid Manifestations: When Africans Cease to be People

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Imagine with me. Imagine you’ve invited your favorite person to lunch – your dad or you mom, perhaps – and you’ve invested a lot time into executing the endeavor. The reservations at the restaurant your mother has always dreamed of going to have been booked. You go to pick her up from her door and […]

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Madness

Either the Devil is a Liar, or Archbishop Duncan Williams Is

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Before we even get started, please let me say to all my non-bible believing, unchurched, Not Christian friends that I am SORRY. I am sorry there are so many lunatics out here in these streets (or gargantuan cathedrals/auditoriums rather) mis-modeling the kingdom of God, the essence and order of creation, and telling flat out lies. […]

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Madness

How to Type Your Way Out of a Blessing

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Before we get into that, let me say… My Dear Mom Squad: You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. I love our relationship. We have had SO many topics to discuss, and yet I’ve had no time! Reinaneh Jabbari, Reeva Steenkamp, The Natural Hair Show, Americans vs Ebola…so many things to yap about and […]

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Madness

Of Course Iggy Azalea Became a Rapper; She’s Australian

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Let me start by saying: I love you, White People. I’m going to say some things that make it seem like I don’t…but I do. I love you. But let’s be honest. Y’all are the most thievingest people on the PLANET. Oh sure! Black people steal. Of course we do. We steal things like cigars […]

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Madness

Ebola Earth: Dawn of the Apes…and Other Animals Eaten as Bush Meat

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CNN – who is looking more like a better-funded version of The Onion where African is concerned – posed a question about Ebola recently. We mocked them and called them all sorts of ghastly names for their query; names that rhymed with “idiots”. (Idiots rhymes with idiots, doesn’t it?) But since they say the only […]

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Madness

Do You Guys Want to Talk about Raven-Symone?

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“Oh, girl. Don’t set up Twitter on fire. Oh, my lord. What did you just say?” Did you see Oprah’s face as she muttered those words and readjusted herself in her seat? Classic. Classic, I say! Her reaction was spawned from Raven-Symone’s musing that she was tired of being labelled “African-American”, because she is an […]

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Madness

The Day the Gift of Black Magic Deserted Me

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The Magical Negro: The Magical Negro is a supporting stock character in American cinema who is portrayed as coming to the aid of a film’s white protagonists. These characters, who often possess special insight or mystical powers, have been a long tradition in American fiction. Yesterday I was invited to be a guest at a […]

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Madness

Open Letter to Shatta Wale

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  Shyatta Waaaaaaaaleeeeee!!!! Dear Shatta Wale, I love you. There; I said it. Oh please, don’t get me wrong. I don’t love you in that way…like I go born for you or anything like that. I will only born for Prince – and possibly John Dumelo – but I would never born for you. No, […]

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Madness

Bionic Nostril Woman

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In time, you and I must come up with a better name for our heroine; but for today, this one will have to do. Hei! The world is clamoring for diversity in the comic book arena. They say we need more people of color and disabled heroes. I say we are just not looking hard […]

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Madness

Indian Mom Introduces Herself to Me at the Bus Stop in the Most Epic Way

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Our routine for dropping off and picking up our kids at the bus stop is concrete. My husband takes them in the morning, and I pick them up in the afternoon. Finished. There is no finesse, no juggling of schedules, no wringing of hands and fretting about who has to leave work early to get […]

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