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Essays in: Madness

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Madness

Office Drama

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Clearly I’ve been out of corporate America for far too long. Since I was laid off at the end 2008 and said “screw it” to trying to find a regular office gig, I’ve mastered the nuances of stay-at-home mom drama. At the end of the day, mommy drama is no big deal. My kids’ needs […]

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Madness

Christmas Fun

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Every family has its own set of time honored Christmas traditions and rituals (if they are fortunate enough not to have the holiday cancelled by an over-zealous matriarch) that are performed year-after-year. It’s what keeps college students coming home, and if the traditions are particularly fun/amusing/special, individuals will attempt to share these with people outside […]

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Madness

Monty Python's Courtroom Circus

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My last court date, as expected, did not disappoint. The events were so bizarre that I halfway expected Mr. Bean to jump out of some obscure corner waving a conductor’s wand. Pure insanity, I promise you. After shelling out sixty bucks for the kids daycare fees (because that’s hoe much it costs me every time […]

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Madness

Confession of a Weak Minded Woman – 2

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So now we come to the topic that still makes me quake with fury: Stephanie. Again, you said that you would not have Na around any women that you weren’t in a serious relationship with. I had no idea that Nadjah was seeing Stephanie until the day you told me she spanked her for climbing […]

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Madness

Confession of a Weak Minded Woman

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There are a bunch of little boys out there getting Black women pregnant and dipping; it’s really starting to make me angry. You, Azania Olezene, Lakieshia Jones, James Holcomb and 2 others like this.   KSTell why are these Black women dealing with “little boys”?  Thursday at 9:49am ·   Marshall Grant Because these boys […]

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Madness

Chris Gets A New Job

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Chris sat in home office, his eyes and finger tips weary from hours of programming. He paused in the middle of keying in a complex code that a client had contracted him to complete. A wave of dissatisfaction suddenly washed over him. There has to be more to life than this, he thought. He looked […]

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Madness

Douche Bag: The Last Drop

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Part 2: Kwasia Dat Kwasia dat trans: That foolish person/thing. Some of you have journeyed with me for the last 5 1/2 years through the metaphoric hip-deep cesspool that Douche Bag has attempted to drag me through. Fortunately, I have managed to hover above the mire, coming out with only the stink clinging to me […]

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Madness

Tastes Like Milk of Magnesia

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Last night I sank to a new low in my motherhood experience. A friend of mine has graciously allowed me to use her home for the remainder of my stay in Ghana. It has done A WORLD of difference for my countenance. My father also offered to watch the girls for the next two days […]

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Madness

August 26th

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I ran out of court themed titles, so I just decided to name this post after the date on which the final judgment was meant to be had. I woke up that morning, pretty confident that the judgment was going to be in my favor. I mean after all, Douche Bag had come to the […]

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Madness

Hi Ho, Away We Go to Court!…Again.

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Have you ever looked across the room at someone and said to yourself: “Man! I can’t believe I had intercourse and procreated with this retard”? Well, at least 4 times a year I find myself in that very position; the latest being last Wednesday. My final oder requires me to give Douche Bag a 30 […]

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Madness

Football Breeds Forgiveness

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Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the hospital has witnessed the varying levels of compassion and incompetence inherent in all hospital staff. Because I have several good friends who work in the nursing and medical fields, I make it a point to treat my caregivers with utmost respect and cordiality. I mean, […]

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Madness

De Corprit Shuffle

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Take a good look at this face. LOOK.AT. IT! Does it offend you? Well it ought to. It offends me…and that’s my mug painted over in black-face, scratching my head in apparent confusion. The source offense is not in the paint itself, but rather from the folks that make me feel this way every time […]

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Madness

Douche Bag Drama – Part 2

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Retta’s DEETS So: I woke up on May 21st ready for my date with Drama to ensue around 1:15pm, the scheduled time of my daughter’s event. What happened instead was quite unexpected and quite the opposite of my expectations. I prepared myself for a rather mundane morning. What I got was every mother’s worse fear […]

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Madness

Douche Bag Drama – Part 1

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Silly me for thinking that this summer was going to start off on a positive and drama-free note. I drove my daughter up to school today, excited that she had gotten through the year with relatively few set backs. Tomorrow is the last day of school, and my mind was filled with all the possible […]

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Madness

Trying to Raise a Socially Decent Child

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I wanted to do a happy-happy post today; I did. But this is the second day in a row I’ve been called into my daughter’s school to discuss her “attitude” since she got back from her douche bag sire’s house this weekend. I swear, it’s like going back to 2007 all over again. Until recently, […]

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Madness

Jehova's Little Troll

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An old co-worker of mine has a friend named Barbara who has a 30 year old son with Down’s Syndrome. His name is LT. One day, Barbara left for work as usual and left LT at home to his own devices. It was a typical day. Around noon, she got a frantic call from her […]

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Madness

Meet me at halfway to Piss OFF!

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It’s been a while since I’ve had to bitch about my douche-bag-baby-daddy, Courtney the Platypus; but in true form, he’s back after 3-4 weeks, like a bad case of herpes. First, let me explain why he is now being referred to as a platypus. My brother, in his infinite wisdom, pointed out that this “man” […]

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Madness

The Boys are Back in Town

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My little brother Sami recently went to Chicago for a bachelor party/dude’s  night out. Being a first time tourist in the city, he said he had his head tilted backward looking up at the immense downtown from below. “We ate a lot,” he said. “It was a good time.” He told me about the club […]

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Madness

Chris' Wedding Speech

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It was the day he had been waiting for since they broke up in 2005. Adj was finally getting married, and he was free to release all the woe and regret that had been building up and twisting in his heart for these last few years. Some people had never forgiven him for dumping her; […]

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Madness

Lies on Tap

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Have you ever had a person in your life that just lied their way through their daily  existence? I mean like every other sentence is just a straight up falsehood? We’ve all told our share of fibs, Lord knows I have; but I never knew there class of people roaming the planet that told lies […]

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Madness

For real? GOD told you that?

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Maybe I’m not a “for real” Christian: I’m willing to concede that; but there are fewer phrases that make me cringe than “God told me to blah, blah, blah.” Whenever I hear anybody, Christian or not, utter the words “God told me”, my first thought is “You’re lying”. The second, depending on the person making […]

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