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Essays in: Madness

Categories:  MotherhoodMarriageMadnessMusingsPhoto Essay FridayRHKOASay what??The South African SeriesUncategorizedGH2013
Madness

Open Letter to Cocobod: Ghana Cocoa Board

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Dear Whoever is in Charge at Cocobod: Waaaaaaa look. I don’t even know who to address this letter to because your organization is being run by ghosts of failures past, present and soon-to-come. I want to show you something. Look at this. See! What the hell is THIS supposed to be? “Oh. Malaka. That’s Ghana’s […]

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Madness

When Sexiness Frightens the Elderly

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I had a co-worker who told me about a time he’d gone to pick his grandmother up from the train station or the airport. I can’t remember which. Where he picked her up from is not the point of the story. They were driving through a crowd of Black humanity somewhere down on the South […]

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Madness

Unnecessary Tension

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I don’t watch football too often, but when I do, there is a moment in each game that I live for. It’s when the referee frantically trots into the middle of the field whistle lodged between his chapped lips with a burn in his eyes. He throws a flag. I think he grabs one of […]

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Madness

Bass Head: The Story of the Little Drummer Boy

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I know it’s not Christmas anymore and we’re already supposed to be looking forward to Valentine’s Day (2014!), but this story has been rattling around in my head for two weeks. Might as well let it out, right? We can’t take old baggage into the New Year!   As it is with all three of […]

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Madness

Douche Bag Found Someone to Marry!

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This post is for Ms. A Boz, who has been asking for an update on Douche Bag for months now. Well, I finally have something ‘worth’ reporting! I was told this day would come, but I never believed it would. After all, every other word I’ve heard out of Douche Bag’s mouth has either been […]

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Madness

Akon’s Reverse Oedipus Complex

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It’s only the middle of the month, but November has proven quite challenging for the images of Black women in popular culture and the media. By “challenging”, I mean we’ve taken a full on public flogging, having our chastity, intelligence, desirability and humanity come into question. The assault – which previously would only come twice […]

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Madness

The Tragedy of (Slaying) the Truth: Omarosa Manigault v Bethenny Frankel

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“You can’t handle the truth!!!” It would appear that this was the case on the Bethenny Show, a program on TV that I wasn’t even aware existed until 2 days ago. I am familiar with Bethenny Frankel who is a product of one of The Real Housewives franchises. I never cared much for her persona […]

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Madness

Stephen Fry Draws Comparisons between the Homosexual Experience and Slavery

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I was catching up on the Colbert Report this weekend. I like to watch the entire week of the show in one go on Hulu. This Thursday Stephen Fry was Stephen Colbert’s guest. The two have a mutual admiration and affinity for each other, which is always a pleasure to watch. Cable TV is generally […]

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Madness

Herh. Yvonne Okoro. You Are Being Warned!

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Dear (and I use the term loosely) Yvonne, I was going to title this “Open Letter to Yvonne Okoro”, but with the spate of celebrity open letters clogging the interwebs these days, I decided against it. Besides, nothing gets another African woman’s attention like a sharp “herh!!” thrown in her direction. I am not writing […]

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Madness

When Mommy Bloggers Meet

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One of my favorite things about blogging has been that is has given me the opportunity to meet some really wonderful people. Most of the relationships formed through the blog are digitized, of course, but every once in a while, at the confluence of magic and determination, my readers and/or fellow bloggers get a chance […]

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Madness

Robin Thicke is a Borga and Other Epiphanies I've Had This Week

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I have come to the conclusion that Robin Thicke is a Kumasiano Borga. How can I put this in general terms for my non-Ghanaian readers to understand? Hmmm… I’ve got it. You know that guy – that ONE African – swathed in acid washed jeans, neck heavy and blistering with an overabundance of gold chains, […]

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Madness

The NEW Miss America

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Unless you count Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, I don’t remember the last time I watched a pageant show. I was completely put off the pageant world after the Caitlin Upton fiasco in 2007 in which  the then Miss (Teen) South Carolina was asked to give answer as to why a fifth of Americans couldn’t locate […]

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Madness

Friday the 13th: Nightmare on My Street

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I wasn’t going to blog about Friday the 13th because I’m not a superstitious sort of woman. Ironically, I almost didn’t blog about anything at all today, because I was confronted early this morning with my greatest phobia on this 13th day of the month. But I soldiered on and grabbed my laptop and ran […]

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Madness

Questions That Keep Nagging Me

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I don’t have all the answers, and never pretended that I have. It must be incredibly boring to be a know- it-all, and most likely even more frustrating to live in perfect belief that you do know it all, only to discover through some mundane event (like tripping over one’s shoe lace) that you really […]

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Madness

I Want To Help Russell Simmons Improve His ADD

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As you all know, Russell Simmons launched his All Def Digital YouTube page this week with The Harriet Tubman Sex Diaries as the debut skit. Hilarity – shockingly – did not ensue. People were pretty darn outraged. I’m sure Uncle Rush did not understand why, particularly since the skit was the “funniest thing” he’d ever […]

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Madness

Russell Simmons is a Bloody, Sold Out Idiot

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You’ll have to forgive me for the rather ineloquent title. Unfortunately, “Ultimate Douche Bag” is reserved for someone else whom I loathe with unbridled disdain and “bloody, sold out idiot” just seemed apropos for the moment. Because surely, this is idiotic. Have you seen this? This is Russell Simmons contribution to “comedy”: [youtube=http://youtu.be/akRu9oyJT9U] Apparently, Mr. […]

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Madness

An Open Letter to Ms. Naa aka Naa Adzorkor aka My ‘Cousin’

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Ehhh, yes. Naa Adzokor. I sent you a tweet telling you how grateful or proud (I can’t remember which) I am that you have always stayed true to yourself. Ah yes, here it is. I wish I could say that my favorable estimations concerning your down-ness were borne from daydreams about you as a individual, […]

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Madness

Malaka Grant. Occupation: Terrorist

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Eiii! It’s not me ooo. But if you do a Google search on my name, you might mistake this criminally inclined woman for yours truly. Allow me to explain. Last night I was indulging in my not-so-secret fantasy of becoming a Ghanaian script writer/call center operator. My obsession led me to Google Shirley Frimpong-Manso, whom […]

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Madness

Yet Another Open Letter to Idris Elba

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Heh. You this Idris Elba. You’ve come again, eh? Humph. I thought we had come to some sort of understanding after the Smart Water incident. Clearly, my words have fallen on deaf ears. I even tried to communicate with you using sign language, by my fingers must have encountered blind eyes as well. But you […]

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Madness

I Finally Understand Zimmerman’s Supporters

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Note: They’re still inbred idiots – and I by no means AGREE with their fanciful depictions of what happened that fateful night – but I understand them… and that is the point. This post contains graphic images. Be warned. There are some things that you just cannot unsee, no matter how hard you close your […]

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Madness

Who Is This Man? He Just Blew a Gaping Hole in Zimmerman's Defense

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This video has been making the rounds on social media over the last few days. This guy (whoever he is) just picked apart Zimmerman’s entire defense and all his claims about how the fight between him and Trayvon Martin unfolded, down to the minutiae. We all know George Zimmerman is a liar, and a proven […]

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