Douche Bag is an amazing human being – and I don’t mean that in a complimentary way. How someone has managed to bungle their way this far through life with such stunted mental capacity and have achieved any modicum of success gives credence to the story of Forrest Gump. However, unlike Forrest who at his […]
Last night I ‘sold’ my first pair of “I got pregnant and now my feet have gone from a size 9 – 10 and can’t fit these shoes anymore so come and buy these shoes at a steeeep discount” (http://mindofmalaka.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/big-feet/) shoes to my friend and senior from high school, Pearl K. (Please: When reading […]
Men despise things that are easily acquired – The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana Ladies: If your confidence is a fragrance, then your desperation is a stench. This is a loose deduction from the above statement, but you’ll see where I’m going with this pretty quickly. There are few things more frustrating than watching a friend […]
Okay. So I wasn’t raped, but that airport worker’s hands had gone far enough into my pants to find my ‘second virginity’ and snatch it from me. All this hoopla in the media this week about full body scanners and patdowns just reminded me of my own ordeal last month. (Put your drink down if […]
My BFFFL, Nana Darkoa, though young is very wise. While we were collaborating on a would-be project a little over a year ago that was meant to be very “Ghana-centric”, I voiced a concern that was itching my conscience. “How well would this be received from us?” I asked. “You know we’re not ‘real’ Ghanaians. […]
You know how it is when you go back to Africa. You expect everything to be African. For the long time returnee, a part of you still expects to see little half naked boys running down chasing old car tires and small girls cooking with konko tins over a coal pot. In the same vein […]
Let me tell you something about Mama Africa. She is a HARD parent. She will force you to do certain things; whether you yield to those things willingly or are beaten into submission is up to you. By all means, YOU WILL WALK in Africa. Certainly, you WILL adopt one of her of local vernacular […]
Accra – 1977 Kwasi: Ei. Rex. You are back. Akwaaba. Rex: Yerhs! I jess gort balk into tern tha oddar der. Kwasi (confused): Uhhh…Ok. Oh! How is your mother? Rex: Orh! *Hahaha*! Sher’s foine, y’knaw? Yerhs. Doin’ rally well. *Heheheh*! Kwasi (annoyed): Chaley, Rex. In fact, I don’t understand what you are saying. Why are […]
This is an open letter to Delta Airlines, those bloody douche bag wankers. To: The head dude/dudess at Delta Re: An extraordinary customer experience. Dear Delta Airlines, I am writing to congratulate you for assembling a staff that provided me with extraordinary customer service this Sunday on October 17th at Kotoka International Airport in Accra. […]
A purple squirrel is a mythical creature; a being of lore. Something that has peculiar characteristics (like purple fur), but for the most part can still be identified as a squirrel. It’s kinda like a unicorn. Last Monday a woman in black cloth and a black hajib approached me at my kids’ school in Adenta. She looked ‘African’ (but certainly […]
Last night I almost threw up at the pharmacy counter. The baby had run out of diapers, and my father requested that I bring a pack home. I only had 40 GHc left in my wallet for the week, and it was going to take at least 15 GHc to get home from where I […]
Hei! It has taken me up till this week to get in step with the way technology works in Ghana. Cell phone conversations are fast, internet connections are slow, TV stations end their transmissions (albeit it briefly until the generator kicks on) when the lights go off in their area. I got my first taste of […]
This weekend, I spent the most amazing time in Akosombo with my BFFFL (Best Friend For Frikkin’ Life!), Nana Darkoa. Her Rotary club was conducting a 5K sponsored walk to benefit children. What those benefits were, I do not know, because there was no mention of them. What there was was a convoy of Ghana’s police […]
This past Saturday, the girls and I took a trip to Takoradi. El asked if Perpetual was coming along to be of some help and I told her no. I wasn’t sure what our accommodations would be like. It was just as well, because El needed Perpetual’s help to pack up her belonging’s. She and her husband […]
Since coming to Ghana, I have become addicted to Nigerian dramas. They are my guilty pleasures, with story lines that by mandate must feature a mixture of at least two of the following: a ghost, a death, a robbery, a pregnancy, an arrest, a fight scene, a “love” scene. If Nigerian films were crack, and […]
Yesterday the girls and I took our first trip out of town to Takoradi, a city about 3 hours outside of Accra. The trip there served as a reminder of why I love GHANA. As we pulled out of the bus station, I realized my beef isn’t with the country…it’s Accra that I despise. It’s […]
Last night I went to the Mac Tontoh tribute concert. I thought it was going to be just another social event where new Afropoitlans, the ‘who’s whose’ and those wanting to be “who’s” would converge, pose, and pretend to represent the “average” Ghanaian while deep inside wanting nothing to do with anything average in Ghana. […]
Today I was alarmed to discover that not only will I never be able to live in Ghana, but after this visit I am very unlikely to make any effort to ever return, even for a short visit. If I do, the circumstances leading to that return would have to be extraordinary, such as some […]
Break, def: to “block”; to thwart; to speak disparagingly of to a third party in order to completely ruin a person’s lofty goals. Last Saturday I went to the Accra Mall with the girls so that they could play in the outdoor playground and to join my BFFFL (best friend for freakin’ LIFE) for lunch. […]
I don’t even know how to title this post. “Oh” says it all. Please allow me elucidate on the circumstances that threaten to bring me to total grief. Anyone who knows my father knows that he is anti-house help. He grew up washing his own clothes, walking where ever he needed to go, weeding, farming, […]
Although she’s had a harder time adjusting to life in Ghana, my oldest daughter Nadjah has begun to receive all the benefits that I’d hoped she would. She’s learning to listen, not to talk back to adults, to be a little kinder – and most importantly – to use her imagination. My great shame as […]