Take a good look at this face. LOOK.AT. IT! Does it offend you? Well it ought to. It offends me…and that’s my mug painted over in black-face, scratching my head in apparent confusion. The source offense is not in the paint itself, but rather from the folks that make me feel this way every time […]
You see that old Black man with the self-satisfied smirk on his face and a knot on his forehead? That’s Kwasi Gyekye – my dad and the first love of my life. I have measured every man’s ability by his; whether that be an ability to comfort me, provide for me, praise or belittle me […]
This weekend I took the rare opportunity to close and lock the door while I was taking a dump. As I sat in my windowless bathroom, I heard my 1 year old wail “Maanee!?! (Mommy)”, and my second born knock on the door and ask if I was pooping. “Yes, Aya. Yes I am pooping,” […]
Anyone who has spent any amount of time in a grocery store, a parking lot, a laundromat, or any public place has witnessed the antics of “that” mother. You know: The one who goes berserk because her kid was running unchaperoned down the aisle and ran into your cart, and subsequently gets royally pissed because […]
When my sister told me that she was pregnant last September, I was pretty sure she was lying. It’s hard to trust any one of my siblings – We all have a cruel sense of humor and every year we engage in a 9 month long marathon of practical jokery that we have termed “April […]
The other night a friend of mine called me at about 10:30 pm, obviously pissed. “Write me something amusing and sarcastic on being a single woman,” she commanded. “I need a laugh.” Understand that I go to bed at 8:30 these days. The fact that she caught me awake at that hour was totally a […]
Retta’s DEETS So: I woke up on May 21st ready for my date with Drama to ensue around 1:15pm, the scheduled time of my daughter’s event. What happened instead was quite unexpected and quite the opposite of my expectations. I prepared myself for a rather mundane morning. What I got was every mother’s worse fear […]
In the world of reproductive activity there are 3 types of women. There are those who are barren and will never have children: In fact, some are so allergic to their mate’s semen that they break out in rashes upon seminal contact. Then there are those in the middle…the masses, who may or may not get pregnant […]
Silly me for thinking that this summer was going to start off on a positive and drama-free note. I drove my daughter up to school today, excited that she had gotten through the year with relatively few set backs. Tomorrow is the last day of school, and my mind was filled with all the possible […]
I wanted to do a happy-happy post today; I did. But this is the second day in a row I’ve been called into my daughter’s school to discuss her “attitude” since she got back from her douche bag sire’s house this weekend. I swear, it’s like going back to 2007 all over again. Until recently, […]
Man, I’m so giddy I can’t even spell the word! This Friday, Marshall and I celebrated 5 years of wedded bliss. It’s been fantastic for me, but I don’t know how great it’s been for him. I am a certified basket case after all. *Chortle!* When I woke up on May 14th, I was just… excited. […]
Man. That daggone Oprah. There I was, Monday afternoon minding my own business watching the Oprah show. It’s one of the few pleasures I have every blessed day. Monday’s episode was all about Harpo Hook Ups, where the Harpo team goes out and makes dreams come true for unsuspecting Oprah viewers. Nothing makes me happier […]
An old co-worker of mine has a friend named Barbara who has a 30 year old son with Down’s Syndrome. His name is LT. One day, Barbara left for work as usual and left LT at home to his own devices. It was a typical day. Around noon, she got a frantic call from her […]
Quick! Take a good look at this face. Would you let this man watch your kids? Look deeeep into his half closed eyes and tell me what’s the first thing you think of. Whatever it is, I bet you’ve got it all wrong. This is Chris, my daughter’s first baby sitter. That’s right. I entrusted […]
I used to go to school with this chap called George, one of the nicest guys you will ever meet, I swear. I met George during our freshman year at Hampton University. He was one of 5 other Ghanaians who had matriculated that year and he lived in James Hall. Now what you need to […]
*Sigh* I love talking to my dad. It always makes for a good start/end to my day. This morning I called him just to say ‘hey’, and like most Africans tend to do, we began to discuss the economy and politics. “NDC has f*cked up everything!” he proclaimed. As expected, he launched into a missive […]
I’m one of those people who likes controlled spontaneity. However, when it comes to my children, I like to have a concrete course of action regarding their rearing. This is why I called the GA Department of Education last year to find out what elementary school my eldest would be assigned to. After tapping away […]
Virtually every first time mom I know has the same complaint when it comes to their baby’s first word. From Accra to Amsterdam, the first word a baby invariably utters is “daddy” in some shape or form. My Indian friend’s children said “baba” first. My friend in Germany’s daughter broke her vocabulary cherry with “papa” […]
I spent Mother’s day 2009 much the same way I’ll probably spend this one: Pregnant, fat and exhausted. What I’m hoping, however, is that my children will spare me the antics of last year’s holiday for the 2010 version. As I lay in my bed on May 10, 2009, weary from the grueling ritual that […]
It’s been a while since I’ve had to bitch about my douche-bag-baby-daddy, Courtney the Platypus; but in true form, he’s back after 3-4 weeks, like a bad case of herpes. First, let me explain why he is now being referred to as a platypus. My brother, in his infinite wisdom, pointed out that this “man” […]
My little brother Sami recently went to Chicago for a bachelor party/dude’s night out. Being a first time tourist in the city, he said he had his head tilted backward looking up at the immense downtown from below. “We ate a lot,” he said. “It was a good time.” He told me about the club […]