The other night a friend of mine called me at about 10:30 pm, obviously pissed. “Write me something amusing and sarcastic on being a single woman,” she commanded. “I need a laugh.” Understand that I go to bed at 8:30 these days. The fact that she caught me awake at that hour was totally a […]
Retta’s DEETS So: I woke up on May 21st ready for my date with Drama to ensue around 1:15pm, the scheduled time of my daughter’s event. What happened instead was quite unexpected and quite the opposite of my expectations. I prepared myself for a rather mundane morning. What I got was every mother’s worse fear […]
In the world of reproductive activity there are 3 types of women. There are those who are barren and will never have children: In fact, some are so allergic to their mate’s semen that they break out in rashes upon seminal contact. Then there are those in the middle…the masses, who may or may not get pregnant […]
Silly me for thinking that this summer was going to start off on a positive and drama-free note. I drove my daughter up to school today, excited that she had gotten through the year with relatively few set backs. Tomorrow is the last day of school, and my mind was filled with all the possible […]
I wanted to do a happy-happy post today; I did. But this is the second day in a row I’ve been called into my daughter’s school to discuss her “attitude” since she got back from her douche bag sire’s house this weekend. I swear, it’s like going back to 2007 all over again. Until recently, […]
Man, I’m so giddy I can’t even spell the word! This Friday, Marshall and I celebrated 5 years of wedded bliss. It’s been fantastic for me, but I don’t know how great it’s been for him. I am a certified basket case after all. *Chortle!* When I woke up on May 14th, I was just… excited. […]
Man. That daggone Oprah. There I was, Monday afternoon minding my own business watching the Oprah show. It’s one of the few pleasures I have every blessed day. Monday’s episode was all about Harpo Hook Ups, where the Harpo team goes out and makes dreams come true for unsuspecting Oprah viewers. Nothing makes me happier […]
An old co-worker of mine has a friend named Barbara who has a 30 year old son with Down’s Syndrome. His name is LT. One day, Barbara left for work as usual and left LT at home to his own devices. It was a typical day. Around noon, she got a frantic call from her […]
Quick! Take a good look at this face. Would you let this man watch your kids? Look deeeep into his half closed eyes and tell me what’s the first thing you think of. Whatever it is, I bet you’ve got it all wrong. This is Chris, my daughter’s first baby sitter. That’s right. I entrusted […]