I'm super geeked to launch my new Mind of Malaka STORE! Check out my latest products and creations!




I'm about to go on vacation at Hotel de Northside Hospital. Train pulls out of the station at 7 am sharp! I can't wait! No more screaming kids for two whole days. The next child I hear crying will be the one being yanked from…


THAT DOES IT! I will no longer try to improve the well being and hygiene of my family. I give up on that part of motherhood. From now on, my obligations are only the newborn and myself. From THIS DAY FORTH, I vow to be…

OH Ame-ri-KKK-a!!

At first I was just going to make a witty status update about what relentless bulldog byiatches Nancy Grace and that Velez-Mitchell chick were (and how you have to be a heartless whore to have your own show on HLN these days), but the media…

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

When I was getting ready to go to college in 1996, that was the big interview question we couldn't wait to be asked from a potential employer. We had whole sessions about the appropriate answers to give, interview gems and catch phrases that would wow…

Back to school "hateration"

Back to school time can be a source of joy and aggravation. For the parents who have toughed it out with listless children for an entire summer, something breaks on the inside when that school bus pulls up to the stop for the first time.…

True story: I fake orgasms

WARNING: For all my super holy friends, you may want to stop reading here. I don't know where this is going to go until I'm finished and I don't want to risk tarnishing your very SOUL by reading this. All my progressive and single friends…