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Essays in: Madness

Categories:  MotherhoodMarriageMadnessMusingsPhoto Essay FridayRHKOASay what??The South African SeriesUncategorizedGH2013
Madness

Unleashing My Inner Florence Johnston

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Before she was a BAWSE on 227, Marla Gibbs played Florence Johnston, George and Wezzie’s snarky housekeeper on The Jefferson’s. I knew George was a bit of a douche and not a nice guy over all, but as a child watching the show, I never quite understood what Florence’s deal was. Why was she so […]

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Madness

What’s The Grossest Thing You Saw This Weekend? Bet I Can Top It.

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Happy Monday one and all. I worked a 13 hour day yesterday, so I’ve put the kids in daycare, and am kicking back by plucking my chin hairs and lancing my whiteheads. “Ewww”, you say? You haven’t even heard the worst yet. Let’s open up our cerebral cortexes and fire up those neurons. We’re going […]

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Madness

Can You Be Honest With Your Friends?

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My sister is a person whom one might define as socially awkward. While neither of us possess the gift of tact, I have become slightly more adept a maneuvering unfamiliar social situations, whereas she avoids them wherever and whenever possible. We both have the same handicap: that being that we don’t possess a filter. Whereas […]

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Madness

Is FGM by Any Other Name (or Method) Any Less Criminal?

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Dear Oprah, I pray by God’s grace that this letter finds you well. Are your labia intact? Is Stedman enjoying them? Then we praise God! You have been fortunate to have been spared the tragedy that is the theme of my letter today. I am an African who is passionate and dedicated to the cause […]

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Madness

Dinner with the Man Who Taught Me ‘Silas Marner’

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For every living being on Earth, there is another who has left an indelible mark upon them, whether negative or positive.  Take a moment and think. Who is that one person who makes you feel the powerful emotions of warmth and safety? Who is the person who makes you feel unadulterated hate and disdain? It […]

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Madness

The Power of the Haka

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I only recently discovered Haka a few days ago after my husband went on a 23 hour video posting spree on FaceBook. Ah. What is this thing he keeps posting? Why is he flooding my wall with these useless updates?!? I clicked on a link and instantly found myself mesmerized. For the next three hours, […]

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Madness

Let’s Work to End White on White Crime

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Whenever you have a cluster of homogenous ethnicities dwelling in one geographical area, it is expected that the majority of commerce, worship, entertainment or any other form of human interaction will remain within the boundaries of that group’s dwelling. Despite government mandated desegregation, America remains largely segregated in along the lines of race. I believe […]

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Madness

Yippy Skippy: Yet Another Reason Black Women Remain Unmarried in America

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Yippy Skippy: a sarcastic answer to anything that you have to do or something that doesn’t sound fun. Also can be used when you just don’t give a damn about something and want to use sarcasm. Example – Idiot 1: I’m leaving. Idiot 2: Yippy skippy. According to the 2010 US Census, there are 38,929,319 […]

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Madness

Witchcraft Will Save Africa, Not the Diaspora

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A few hundred years ago, mankind thought that the Earth was flat, and that if you sailed long enough, you could sail right off the edge. It was commonly accepted that the Earth, not the sun, was the center of our universe, as God had ordained it. When Galileo presented his theories that the Earth […]

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Madness

How Does the Media Profit by Besmirching the Reputation of a Dead Child?

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They said they would come for him, but I didn’t believe it. I should have had less faith in society’s veneer of decency…then perhaps I’d be less shocked. In the month since Trayvon Martin has been murdered and buried, tidbits of information surrounding the circumstances of that night have been investigated and/or leaked to the […]

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Madness

Trayvon Martin’s Murder is a Human Issue, Not Just a Black One

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America’s legacy is that it is a land of contradictions. Inscribed on the Statue of Liberty are the words: Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free; The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, Tempest-tossed to me I lift my lamp beside the golden door! – […]

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Madness

My Pimple, My Enemy

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Everyone has some sort of imperfection about them – some aspect of themselves they don’t quite like. It could be a lazy eye, or a grey hair that grows longer and more untamed as time passes on. Perhaps a clubbed foot ails you, or you carry the faint odor of fish. The point is, everyone […]

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Madness

Welcome to Malaka Fashion Week!

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Heeiii! These Nigerians! This week marks the beginning of Lagos Fashion week, which would have begun last night had the models for the show not gone on strike. After waiting for 5 hours for the show to begin, the crème-de-la-crème of Africa’s emerging fashion industry were informed that the show would not begin as scheduled […]

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Madness

Big Booty, Little Booty

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As Black people, everything we do is rhythmic and straying from rhythm can sometimes have dire consequences. When we pound fufu, it’s with rhythm. When we pull our nets in from the sea, we do so with rhythm. And when a Black woman walks, it is with a unique rhythm. I don’t know about any […]

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Madness

My 5 in 5 Interview on The Afropolitan Experience 2.0

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It was all fun and games when I put on my jesters hat and poked fun at myself yesterday after recounting my insecurities concerning my debut web interview. The laughs stopped for many people when I apparently pulled out a whip and flogged myself publicly. A few of my readers contacting me privately and told […]

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Madness

My 5 in 5 Interview on The Afropolitan Experience

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Earlier this week I had the opportunity to do an interview with George Ukomadu, creator and host of 5in5Africa. The format of the show is 5 questions in 5 minutes featuring interesting people who are making Africa shine. Of course I was honored to be included in a group of people described as agents of […]

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Madness

How Did You ‘Coming to America’?

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“I’m planning a trip to Africa, and I would love for you to join me.” “Uhh…I dunno. When I think of Africa, I think of…” “Women walkin’ around with their breasts going ‘jiggy-jiggy-jiggy’?” (Cackles and simulates jiggling breasts with her hands.) “Hahahhaaa!” Conversation between Phaedra Parks and Kandi Burruss during a recent episode of Real […]

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Madness

What the First Lady’s Hair Tells You About the President

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Three nights ago many in the nation tuned in to watch Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich exchange fire from their individual podiums during the GOP presidential debate. Rick Santorum and Ron Paul’s presence served no real purpose, but it was kind of them to show up in person to witness the exchange with the rest […]

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Madness

Once Upon Dolvett

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  This morning I woke up bathed in sweat. My mouth was dry as desert sand, and my hair was matted to my face. My racing heart threatened to burn through my rib cage and beat its last on my cream cotton sheets. Dolvett Quince had come to me in my sleep. For those of […]

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Madness

Going Out With a Splat

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If you’ve worked more than a day in your life, chances are you’ve had a bad day at work at some point. If you have more bad days than good on that job, chances are you grew to hate that job. If you were economically stable enough to do so, chances are you quit said […]

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Madness

How Douche Bag Took My 2011 Out With a Bang

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2011 was a hard year for a lot of folks. Steve Jobs died, tainted cantaloupes were killing people all over the country…and then there was that whole tsunami thing in Japan. Whew! It’s enough to make your head spin. For my part, 2011 was actually a pretty good year. I got to go to South […]

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