Essays in: Marriage

I know a girl – and her relationship to me is not important, only that I know her well – whose love language is filtered through the most precious resource available to humankind at this stage of our development. She needs quality time. My good sis is out here suffering. If you’re unfamiliar with the […]

Ahhhh, the Yuletide. Do you know why they call this the “most wonderful time of the year”? Okay, truth be told there isn’t one specific reason, but for folk like me the Chritsmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa portion of the year brings so much joy for one simple reason: It’s changeless, stable and in many cases solid in its […]

By now most everyone knows that a part of my work is to write on sex and sexuality for my other blog, Adventures From the Bedrooms of African Women, which I started with my BFFFL – Nana Darkoa – almost 12 years ago. If you don’t: SURPRISE! Naturally, a part of that process requires quite […]

Much has been written and discussed about the devastating effects that the pandemic has had on mental health outcomes across populations and demographics. Towards the middle of last year, pediatricians reported record spikes in kids suffering from depression and anxiety. In older populations – a group already susceptible to involuntary isolation – national lockdowns and […]

Valentine’s Day doth approacheth! *cue ominous theatrical score* Every year right around this time, an abundance of articles and think pieces appear on different corners of the Internet exploring the increasingly negative feelings people associate with Valentine’s Day. Mind of Malaka is no exception. I have been a longtime (and loud) hater where this holiday […]

The process of making sleeping arrangements separate from one’s partner is officially called a ‘sleep divorce’ by experts. Given how close I was to an actual divorce this time last year, I wish there was a less cynical term for this agreement; but I’m not The Experts, am I? I’m not sleeping well. The truth […]

Twenty-four years ago, a friend of mine gave birth to a beautiful brown baby girl; a brown baby with cheeks not dissimilar in appearance to sweet cinnamon rolls and a pair of eyes that shone like polished pearls. I first met this summer child – Londyn* – when she was six. I had no children […]

“Should I have sex with my husband when I’m fasting?” The question was delivered to me earnestly, without forewarning or a natural segue. At a recent book reading, I mentioned to the room that my husband is a pastor (which is passive and has different connotations than the title Pastor’s Wife) and I woman with […]

I started visiting a new church in the city we’ve moved to. It’s as different from Shack Church (our previous house of worship) as peanut butter is from humus. Both creamy, both legumes… and those are where the similarities end. They both have their merits, depending on what you’re looking for. In this new season, […]

This might be shaking the table a bit, but we’re in the era of Black American bishops quoting MLK at royal English weddings; so what the hey. Marriage is a tricky thing. No matter what your views are about its sanctity and/or who should have access to it, the basic premise behind it is this: […]

My husband does the lion’s share of the cooking in our house. I can cook, but he’s the better culinary artist. He grows and uses his own herbs in his dishes. Our family has developed a palette that demands more than salt and pepper to satiate our food lusts as a result. I consider this […]

 Watching holiday movies was never a big part of my family’s Christmas rituals, growing up. We watched A Charlie Brown Christmas, Frosty the Snowman and those early claymation flicks featuring Rudolph and Jack Frost, but that was it. Big blockbuster ‘must watch’ holiday classics like A Christmas Story, Miracle on 34th Street and It’s A […]

Mo nighean donn (Gaelic). Translation: My brown haired lass You’d have to be a fan of the series ‘Outlander’ to truly appreciate what I’ve done with the title of this post. And the answer to your unasked question is, yes. Yes, I’m right proud of myself. It’s a braw thing I’ve done there. So! Prince […]

Do you remember your early middle school crushes? Did you ever play that game when you wrote your name and substituted your surname for that of the class prefect you only dared to admire from afar, fantasizing about the day you would be wed? I did. And it was fun…until it actually mattered. For 27 […]

Idolatry: extreme admiration, love, or reverence for something or someone. A fetishism.    It’s a widely held belief that the wedding industry is the only viable, locally sustained industry in the Ghana. Oil and gas is still somewhat nascent and has yet to yield all of the promised gains that were dangled in front of […]

In just four short months I will turn 40. I mention the coming of this milestone with pride and eagerly await its coming. Like 16 and 25, 40 is a one of those benchmark birthdays that heralds a shift in a woman’s life. For one thing, I will have achieved authentic ‘Auntie’ status owing to […]

Yesterday I woke to wonderful news. The first pleasant surprise was that no one who defined or impacted my adolescence had died. The second was that Serena Williams had gotten engaged! I greeted the news with the exuberance of a sunflower saluting the sun. I basked in it. I welcomed in it. I reveled in […]

The kids are not allowed to watch TV during the week, but sometimes, when the noise level is more than I can bear and the constant bleating of the words “But we’re so boooooored….!” is more than I can abide, I allow them one small indulgence. “Y’all can watch NatGeo Wild for a bit. But […]

Ordinarily I would react to President Muhammadu Buhari’s comments about his wife with irritation and rancor, but a weekend trip to Johannesburg helped me see the situation with new clarity. Here’s why. At best, we are all 5 degrees of separation from a couple like the Buharis – possibly fewer if you happen to be […]

Should there be secrets in marriage? This dilemma has provided the plot for daytime soap dramas since Guiding Light was on the radio. Sunset Beach took the theme to another level. Remember with Olivia was cuckolding Greg and then got pregnant with what she thought was Cole’s baby, who Annie stole and gave to Caitlin […]