Last night I was standing in the mirror, subconsciously looking for flaws (you know how it is, ladies). My husband was lying on the bed watching the Travel Channel in what he thought was going to be in relative peace. “Baaaaaaaaaaaabe!” I screeched. “Yes.” “Do you think my boobs are little?” “No.” I AM 10 […]
This weekend I took the rare opportunity to close and lock the door while I was taking a dump. As I sat in my windowless bathroom, I heard my 1 year old wail “Maanee!?! (Mommy)”, and my second born knock on the door and ask if I was pooping. “Yes, Aya. Yes I am pooping,” […]
Man, I’m so giddy I can’t even spell the word! This Friday, Marshall and I celebrated 5 years of wedded bliss. It’s been fantastic for me, but I don’t know how great it’s been for him. I am a certified basket case after all. *Chortle!* When I woke up on May 14th, I was just… excited. […]
Ahhh, South Africa. S.A. South Africa means different things to many people depending on what era they were born in. For some, it’s the Rainbow Nation. For others, it’s the newest destination for the World Cup. As a more macabre individual, “South Africa” conjures up images of apartheid, rape, murder and injustice for me. If […]
I think it was Chris Rock that was talking about married couples and their relationships with other married couples. Generally, the wives set their husbands in front of a TV together and say “Hey honey, he likes baseball too! Y’all get to know each other.” As newly weds, Marshall and I found this segment hilarious. […]
The other night I was watching TV and the standard foray of advertisements came on between segments of the show. You know how it goes: Laundry detergent featuring happy brunettes cheerily folding clothes; An athletic blond doing backhand springs while peddling vaginal applicators; Old men doing jittery jigs, singing the praises of male enhancement courtesy […]
Caution! I beg you oooh. If you’re not 18 or older, please close your eyes and open another browser. This post is not for small boys and girls. I was on the phone with Tem, my childhood best friend yesterday, and as usual our “So what’s going on?” conversation turned to current events, personal triumphs, […]
I’ve never cared much for weddings. I don’t cry when couples exchange their vows, or when the bride comes down the aisle, or at any of the typical moments when it’s appropriate to show sappy emotion. I’ve only been to 5 weddings in my entire life (including my own), and 3 of those have sucked […]
Christmas 2009 was turning out to be the crappiest of my life. I was (and still am) a year plus into my unemployment, money was extremely tight, and I felt like my husband was making a mockery of me because I was not bringing any money if apart from my federal and part time job […]
Hmmm. Let me tell you something about motherhood and marriage that they don’t tell you when you are growing up. I’m about to go on a rant here, so be warned! You won’t make it to the end. I have much to say. Don’t listen to you parents and grandparents!! They are all liars and […]
Peeing, peeing, peeing. I’ve been pregnant with the SAME child for over a year it seems, and my nights and days are spent peeing. 80% of the time spent after I lay my head on the pillow is spent lumbering to the toilet to pee, 10% wishing I didn’t have to pee, and the other […]
THAT DOES IT! I will no longer try to improve the well being and hygiene of my family. I give up on that part of motherhood. From now on, my obligations are only the newborn and myself. From THIS DAY FORTH, I vow to be as NASTY as these muthas running around in this house. […]
WARNING: For all my super holy friends, you may want to stop reading here. I don’t know where this is going to go until I’m finished and I don’t want to risk tarnishing your very SOUL by reading this. All my progressive and single friends have told me that faking orgasms is counter productive. That […]