The Burden of Being an Average Looking Woman

This week a woman named Samantha Brick sent the internet into a tizzy when she wrote an article entitled ‘There are downsides to looking this pretty’: Why women hate me for being beautiful.

She asserts that while she is no Elle Macpherson, she “is tall, slim, blonde and often told, a good-looking woman.” She continues to say that she knows how lucky she is; but there are downsides to being pretty “— the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.”

I read the article in its entirety, and walked away with a profound sense of confusion. You see, this is Samantha Brick. And as she rightly says, she is tall and blonde…but she is hardly pretty. Cute in a scullery or milk maid sort of way – sure – but not as ‘hot’ as she would have us all to believe.

I am not one of those women who has a problem pointing out and praising another woman’s looks.

Gabrielle Union is gorgeous.


Sofia Vergara is muy caliente.


Eva Longoria: smokin’.


Aishwarya Rai. Need I say more?


Samantha Brick? What are you ON sister?!? You’re not even playing the same sport as these women, let alone the same league!

After publishing her article, poor Samantha found herself at the center of a commentator firestorm so fearsome that the Daily Mail has disabled comments for the first time in its history. People have been downright vicious towards this woman, and I don’t blame them. It is human nature to attack what we don’t understand…and what people don’t get is that Samantha is a hot woman trapped in an average (and I mean like a low ‘C’) woman’s body.

Samantha bemoans the burden of living the life of a pretty woman, flush with bottles of champagne sent to her table and cab fare being paid for by complete strangers. She also says that she has been passed up for promotions by female bosses because they were threatened by her looks as their own “bloom had begun to fade.” Our tall blonde protagonist has never been asked to serve as a bridesmaid in any of her friends’ weddings, a reason she is confident lies in their belief that her stunning looks would upstage them on their wedding day.

Samantha, Samantha.

Have you ever considered that no one invites you to be a part of the wedding party because of your stank, conceited attitude? Which may also be attributed to why you were passed up for promotions? Which in turn may be the same reason you got all those free drinks! Fact: Men at the club love to buy the most overt stankiest skank a drink. They think it’s a door opener to a romp in a back seat or dark alley somewhere. Wake up my sister, wake up!

Judging from her article, I will say that Samantha has achieved all that she has, not because of her exceptional beauty (for she is NOT exceptionally beautiful), but because of her gift: she is an excellent writer. She clearly has a good work ethic, and cares a great deal about her career. If she has received any special favors, it’s not because of how she looks…an honor reserved only for the Zac Ephrons and Victoria Beckhams of this world…the truly (freakishly) good looking people of this world. No, no. Her promotion has come from 20 years of hard and steady work – and that is the burden of the average looking woman. We have to work hard at what we get. Nothing is ever handed to us.

You hear that Samantha Brick? You are AVERAGE, just like me! Plain ol’ African ME. You might as well start calling yourself Sista Bonsu. There is little difference between you and a villager – except the blonde hair, of course. But even that kraa is not special. It can be bought at any local beauty supply chain for $10.99.

But in all seriousness, I do pity Samantha Brick. It must be difficult to have the paradigm through which you viewed your whole existence shattered within a matter of hours. How dreadful it must feel, to pounce on your keyboard and pound out a forceful declaration to the world:

“Hey universe! Stop hating me because I’m beautiful!!”

only to have the ENTIRE world shout back:

“Hey Samantha! We don’t hate you ’cause you’re beautiful. We hate you ’cause you’re a b*tch!”

Woi!

If Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie had written this article, we would have dismissed it as a joke. First of all, it’s classless, and secondly, no one really hates pretty women. In fact, average looking women try their best to get into the good graces and inner circles of gorgeous women, precisely because of all the benefits Samantha mentioned. They follow the free manna. In fact, average-looking women have been known to befriend “less fortunate” looking women for the benefits attached to the pity-driven resources these horse-faces sometimes  receive from the public. Average-looking women have to be resourceful like that. It’s part and parcel of our burden.

I think that Samantha Brick may fall into this latter group. Her immediate circle must be so dog ugly that she emerges as the most alluring of the pack.

That’s a pretty scary thought.

*woof!*