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Dating Commercials are for SUCKERS

The other night I was watching TV and the standard foray of advertisements came on between segments of the show.

You know how it goes:

Laundry detergent featuring happy brunettes cheerily folding clothes; An athletic blond doing backhand springs while peddling vaginal applicators; Old men doing jittery jigs, singing the praises of male enhancement courtesy of a little blue pill; and the run of the mill online dating services.

It is the last category that had me sitting up in my seat.

“Liars!!” I screamed at the television.

These online dating services are selling the masses a lie. What do they show you? Happy couples on deck of some obscure boat, lovingly grasping each other, or my personal favorite, some pretty young thing dressed to the nines in her swanky art studio creating a sculpture with her equally good looking beau. All of them are supposedly “in love” matched by 126,980 qualities that ensure compatibility. How convenient is it that you both share  common interest and ideals? You’ll never bicker about anything! That’s not love. That’s easy. Let me tell you what real love is.

  • Your wife slogs into the house, all crippled up, bent up, stooped up and shriveled up from working 12 hour days in retail and you still think she’s hot. That’s love.
  • Your girl’s once taught belly, refined from years of running of running track, is reduced to a quivering kangaroo sack, a result of bearing your snot-nosed offspring. At night you make love to her like she’s a goddess and you tell her so. That’s love.
  • Your very clumsy mate breaks the last tea cup in your grandmother’s antique set. You look at him quizzically and offer him a big hug. Inside you’re mad as hell, but your grandmother is dead and you guys never have tea anyway. He’s more valuable in the grand scheme of things. That’s freakin’ love folks!

I have any number of friends that have tried these online dating services or paid to have a “match making” service fix them up. In the end, they always walk away disappointed. Why? Because these people are selling snake oil. Love is not a magic silver bullet. It’s an instant decision that is cultivated over time.

Muttering : *Stinkin’ online dating services making me sit here and blog about them. Bleh!*

This article has 7 comments

  1. David S.

    I want you to know that I intend to use those examples the next time some misguided female tries to tell me she is in love with me after knowing me for less than a month.

    I write software myself, so I know what I am talking about when I say that there is no such thing as a computer program that can compare two human personalities and determine compatibility with anything approaching accuracy. The whole thing is just lotto.

  2. Malaka

    You actually got a chick to tell you she loves you??

  3. David S.

    Are you kidding me? Some women are so in love with the IDEA of being in love that they’ll convince themselves that they’re in love with anyone regardless of how little they know them. I can’t even recall the number of women that have claimed to be in love with me in my lifetime, it’s that many. Were any of them ACTUALLY in love with me? I seriously doubt it. I blame Mills and Boons, or whoever writes those novels these days. Too many trashy romance novels selling a fantasy.

  4. Malaka

    I smell a crop of bush Asante girls at the heart of this statement.

    • David S.

      You Kwraaa what do you have against Ashantis? Did someone pick your pocket in Kumasi?

      … and no, not one Ashanti girl in the bunch.

  5. Malaka

    Hmmm. Nothing oh…save for the fact that they are BUSH for the most part. And no, I’ve never been pick pocketed in Kumasi. I couldn’t even reach the city if I tried, with all the armed robbers on the route.

  6. Stella

    lol! Malaka I am evidence that the sites don’t work. Back in my day I got on eHarmony because some friend told me how great they were. I spent the time putting up said profile blah blah blah. 6 months later, no one on God’s green earth was found to be a match. Zilch! Really? That was not the case in reality. Those sites are a sham. Not to mention that there is no shortage of good looking women on those sites, but very very few good looking accomplished men. No offence, gentlemen 😉 O and the fact that the gorgeous woman you are talking to might in fact be a stud muffin, etc. etc.

    O and M, every ethnic group has its share of bush citizenry so let’s stop the hateration already. Peace.

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