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Sexy Chocolate!

I lost 8 lbs about two months ago. I was elated. I celebrated that feat with a bar of Green & Blacks Almond chocolate. The celebration continued for 8 weeks, one week for every pound lost. I am now 3 lbs heavier than I was before I lost the weight. That’s a net of I-don’t-really-give-a-crap-because-at-least-I-gained-the-weight-eating-something-I-love pounds back on my hips.

My ardor for chocolate will never fade. I have discovered there is a direct relation between my age and my passionate feelings for chocolate: as my age increases, so does that love.

Some might categorize my feelings about chocolate as “inappropriate”. I couldn’t disagree more. I don’t think there is anything more natural and healthy than a relationship between a woman and an inanimate object. The key is knowing when to curb this relationship before it takes on the aura of crazy. I helped a friend move houses a few weeks ago, and in the middle of conversation she pulled open a drawer and showed me her collection of dildos…a venerable treasure trove of personal pleasure. I smiled nervously as she fingered one of her favorites: a glass obelisk with a dramatic upward bend.

“Isn’t it lovely?” she asked.

“Yeah. It’s…something,” I replied with hesitation.

Now put chocolate in this same scenario. It would have been perfectly appropriate for me to offer her a piece of my chocolate; but it would have been absolutely abhorrent for her to offer me a piece of one of her dildos. (I don’t even know if it’s physically possible to offer someone a piece of dildo; but you get the point.)

My husband indulges my love/love relationship with chocolate. Outside of his affection, it’s the one thing that truly gives me pleasure. And unlike Samantha Brick, I do succumb to it, and often. She credits her refusal to submit to the power of chocolate for making her the most “beautiful woman in the world”. Whatever. She has no clue what she’s missing out on.

I love everything about chocolate.

The look of it.

The smell of it.

The way it melts against my tongue when I nibble on it. Sometimes I take my time a savor every bite.

Sometimes I shove it into my mouth with enormous bites…hard and quick bites because just need it IN me.

Lawd have His good mercy, I do love me some chocolate.

*You should all know that my husband did not approve of this final picture but he took it anyway. He is my biggest enabler, and I love him for it.

*Oh dear God. I’m looking at this picture again now and it’s just WRONG. Oh well. I’ve already hit ‘publish’.

This article has 21 comments

  1. siaj won

    It is good to have a vice…It keeps you sane.Mine are Pastries!!Ooh la la.Already had 3 swedish fruit filled ones this morning and coaxed them down with peppermint tea,already sweetened with natural honey on my way to work.Malaka honey,with Ghana being one of the biggesst exporters of Cocoa..look at it this way..eating chocolates is part of your corporate social responsibilities in giving back to Ghana.(wink wink…am sure you get my drift).There is nothing wrong with a hot chocolate skinned mama indulging in some chocolat every now and again…great for the hormones!!!

  2. siaj won

    You started the piece with dildos and ended it with a picture like that…well girlfriend..they say chocolat is an afrodisiac!

    • Malaka

      Lol!! I was rather dismayed with the close resemblance. Believe when I say it was purely coincidental!!

  3. Esenam allen

    Mmmmmm i love chocolates too. Its is sweet, delicious and feels heavenly on my tongue. Forgive my ignorance, can i compare the feeling i get when i get Cadbury diary chocolate(fruit and nut), maltesers,Smarties,toblerone,Kitkat and Minstrels in my mouth to orgasm?
    Now it is exciting to shop for my favourite chocolate, i pick them with pride and glee. I am craving for chocolates now….. your pictures are sexy and hot thank chocolate for making it so.
    Chocolate is indeed sexy! i will have one on you 🙂

  4. isetfiretotherain

    Oh dear! I don’t even know if we are still talking about chocolates but hey who cares anyway?

    I indulge a lot too in chocolate and hopefully it hasn’t begun to show on my body (I hope it never does) so I totally get where you are coming from. Chocolate is divine, chocolate cakes even more so. Sometimes I think I’d even pick that over sex if it came right down to it. Lol.

    About your friend with the dildoes? Hahhahaha err…sexual toys have never been my forte either.

    That picture really is sin.
    (hope this one posts, I’m saving it just in case)

  5. David S.

    Why do you look constipated when you are eating the chocolate?

  6. readinpleasure

    I love them too, the smooth velvety feeling of it on my tongue.

  7. Jennifer

    Chocolate and sex are similar in their effects on the brain just like it says here on ALLCHOCOLATE.COM =) “Phenylethylamine (PEA)
    This compound may be responsible for some of the pleasurable feelings you get after eating chocolate because it releases natural feel-good chemicals called endorphins in your brain. PEA is released by the brain when people are falling in love. Perhaps this explains why chocolate and Valentines Day are so closely linked.” Find the entire article here: http://www.allchocolate.com/health/basics/brain.aspx

  8. Asterix

    Never really understood ladies and their love for chocolates. I will not even try to understand… Every year, like clockwork I get loads from bizness partners and they find their way to my excited missus…It’s really gotta be a gal thing ehh..??? or maybe if Napoleon was around, he would have made it coooool- well together with a man bag and whatever else ….¯(ツ)/¯

  9. tope olowu

    I’m short of words…..addicted is the word you were trying to use.

  10. David S.

    You know there is blood in that chocolate right?

    • Malaka

      No there isn’t! It’s fair trade certified, so there!!!!

      Stop trying to spoil my joy! I hate you!!!!!

  11. republicofsunshyne

    my biggest weakness in my fight to be healthy is chocolate! I absolutely become weak spirited when chocolate is involved. I have no will power lol

  12. Sharon

    Okay, this is going to sound weird, but I had a dream I met you yesterday. (What I get for going through almost every post on your blog). Oddly enough, in my dream you were sitting in front of a chocolatier in an airport. Go figure.

    • Malaka

      May it come to pass!! That sounds wonderful!

      Oh…and I’m open to meeting you too. 😉

      • Sharon

        LOL. Walahi, I think you are absolutely hilarious. My neighbors probably think I’ve “caught some craze” in this last week with the amount of laughter they’ve been hearing from their only black neighbor. Heck, laughter is therapy chale!

  13. Akin Akintayo (@forakin)

    What nonsense! How can you blame chocolate for making the dial on your scale race to the right? I do suspect it was a false reading, wasn’t your son just trying to pull you off the scale when you checked the reading?

    Chocolate, my foot – sorry, my mouth, Thanks.

    • Malaka

      By Jove you’re right! It MUST have been a false reading! I am a svelte size 6, not the 18/20 the tags on my trousers tell me.

      Thank you. Thank GOD! I would have gone through this life thinking chocolate was the cause of my slow steady descent into obesity…albeit a joyful
      descent. 🙂

  14. Emz

    Mmmmm chocolate. I bet Chocolates the world over would be upset if they got wind of the fact that we are made to feel bad about loving them so passionately. I strongly believe that the Chocolates want us to be happy. Om nom nom nom….

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