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A Great American Debate

Unless you’re one of the 47% and/or living under a bridge downtown, you probably watched last night’s debate. Why would a 47%er need to watch their candidate debate a guy they have no intention of voting for anyway? Besides, BET had something far more interesting on the tube…like The Game…or something. 47%ers like The Game.

Anyway, if you missed the presidential debate for any reason, you missed an incredible show. It was absolutely full of surprises. The polls had Barack Obama favored to win by 56%. I myself was certain that the President was going to completely trounce Mitt Romney. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Mitt Romney looked like a caged mountain lion, waiting to attack his hapless prey. President Obama looked absent. No really. It was like he wasn’t even really there.

For those of you who follow fashion and celebrity, this is the best analogy I can provide. Think back to the Golden Globes, 2007. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt showed up on the red carpet arm in arm. Pitt was congenial and all smiles for the cameras. Jolie on the other hand looked like she’d been sucking on acid for the duration of the limo ride to the event. Her expression was dour…almost angry. The fashion police were livid.

“Look at her face!” cried Joan Rivers.

“If she didn’t want to be there, she never should have come!” spat the tiny gay dude who sits on her panel.

We found out days later that Jolie’s mother was gravely ill. She died shortly after that. Of course, all was forgiven soon thereafter, and everyone raved how ‘brave’ it was of Angelina to show up at this event in the face of such horrendous tragedy.

That was our president: Showing up at an “event” in the midst of some unknown tragedy instead of fighting to keep his job. I know it was his 20th anniversary and he would have much rather have spent it at dinner with his wife rather than debating Mitt Romney, but you’re the president! Snap out of it!

The whole affair was less of a debate than an exercise in pure comedy. The debate was “moderated” by Jim Lehrer of PBS, who did less wrangling of the event and more watching. It was like watching two toddlers fight viciously for a turn at bouncing a rubber ball at the city park while grandpa looked helplessly on.

“How can I make them mind me?” read Lehrer’s expression.

Yes – how indeed? Perhaps Gwen Eiffel could provide a few pointers for the next go round, Jimmy.

There really is no way to convey all the highlights from the debate, but there is one in particular that struck a chord with Gen Xers across the country: Mitt Romney’s pledge to put Big Bird out of work.

Not to be undone, President Obama invoked Donald Trump – or at least a reference to his penis.

“I don’t think Donald Trump would describe himself as a small business man. If fact, I don’t think he would like to be described as a ‘small’ anything!”

Mmmhmmm, Mr. President. We can read between the lines!

Then…THEN he lied to Jim Lehrer.

“I don’t know how much of a good job I did moderating here tonight…” said Lehrer, his voice trailing off as though anticipating an interruption.

The president jumped in right on cue.

“No, no Jim! You did great!”

LIAR! Jim Lehrer sucked! Don’t give that old man pity just because he’s OLD. Make him earn his wages like the rest of us!

Look. The fact is, Republicans are jubilating today because Mitt Romney put on the better show. He was able to sway an impressive number of swing voters with his performance and mastery of his delivery. He seemed to present his ideas as facts. He was aggressive and steered the course of the debate. In short, he showed leadership and decisiveness. President Obama was much too sheepish for my taste, and that’s not the incumbent the nation has come to know. His performance was disappointing, plain and simple. I honestly think he’s resting on his laurels and riding his waning wave of success via 2008.

But enough of my gibber. What was YOUR favorite part of the debate? Did either candidate say anything to sway you one way or another? And who else is ready for the unleashing of Joe Biden?!? I hope he drops a deuce or an F-bomb or two while he’s on stage. Those are always quite fun.

Isn’t politics great?

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