I like to imagine the guys over at Men’s Health/GQ/Esquire/Popular White Male magazine tossing around a mini foam football to each other as they pitch ideas for an upcoming issue.
“How about testicular cancer?”
“Nah. We did that last issue. Exposés on cancer cycle every 4 months. Don’t want to alarm the readership.”
“Five foods to feed your muscles?”
“Nice play with alliteration, Josh, but we’re looking for something edgy…something we’ve never done before.”
A shadowy figure emerges from the back of the room. The Ping-Pong table once occupied that space, before it was unceremoniously replaced with the communal keg following HR’s approval, of course. It was Ryan. Ryan was a rogue…and one of the most respected minds at Pop White Male Mag. He’d clearly been guzzling from the keg.
“What if…and this is crazy, but hear me out… What if we did a story about how rejected white men feel whenever we see a white chick dating or married to a Black guy.”
Gasps erupt all over the room.
“Ohmigod. Like, we could talk about how Black Dude probably has this enormous cock.”
“Or how he shoots a basketball really good!”
“Dude! Or how he’s probably amazing in bed…!”
“Thanks, Will. I think we covered that already.”
Soon the room is buzzing with chatter and ideas about all the reasons why white men would suffer from apoplectic feelings of rejection just knowing that there was a white woman – famous or not – who’d chosen to wed herself to a Black guy.
“Guys, guys. We can take this even further. What if we had a double feature and talk about how white-on-white crime is destroying the white community?”
“Jeeezus! That’s brilliant!”
“All those meth moms neglecting their kids…”
“And the baskets of deplorables who rape their step kids…”
“Or traffic little blond girls during football season…”
“Ohio would be a GREAT place to gather special interest stories on white-on-white crime…”
“All we have to do is pitch it to the guys upstairs.”
A hush falls over the room.
“They’ll never go for it.”
“I know. MAN! It would’ve been such a good feature. It’s not fair! All the Black magazines get to do it.”
“Right. But that’s because we don’t have to portray the same image they. We’re heterosexual WASP men…we have a different standard, y’know?”
“Can’t be seen rolling around in the gutter, fishing for ideas…”
“So! Five Foods to Feed Your Muscles it is?”
Everyone agrees and gets to work.
Can I tell you how desperately I wish the men and women who run these “progressive & enlightened” Black blogs, online forums and infotainment spaces would come to the same conclusions about interracial dating, particularly where the feelings of Black women are concerned? Because it really is akin to lobster diving in the gutter for story ideas. Just like there are no edible lobsters in a sewer near you, there is no story about Black women and feeling some kind of way about Black men who have “passed us over”.
I honestly don’t think we’ve cared as a group since Waiting to Exhale.
Nevertheless, in the previous 24 hours alone, I’ve seen two articles about successful Black men who have chosen to marry white women (Damon Dash and Luke Cage’s Mike Colter). Both articles relied on old tropes to advance the idea that there are hoards of bitter Black women who stew at home in rollers and satin caps, furious that aforementioned famous Black Man had the gall not to choose a woman that looked like them. This woman does not exist, or rather; she does not represent the majority of Black women’s feelings on the matter. The average Black woman doesn’t care who you date/procreate with. You know why? Because most of us – the vast majority of us – understand that most of these men exist in realms outside of our daily existence. Our chances of interacting are slim to nil. Secondly, a Black man’s choice to date outside of the race isn’t a personal slight or a rejection. That choice only translates into rejection when Black men actively do things like this:
(You can peruse the rest of Vibe’s tawdry list on here http://www.vibe.com/2012/07/10-reasons-black-guys-prefer-white-girls/)
You know what? If I was a white woman reading this I’d be offended beyond belief. This is ignorant trash, feeding on equally tired ideas about white female fragility and subservience. I’m here to tell you that a white woman will absolutely destroy your world and set your body on fire if you cross her.
As for Black women?
We don’t care, we don’t care, WE DON’T CARE if Black men prefer white women. All that we ask is that you not disparage us in the process of exercising your right to choose your companion. I don’t know of any other race that so proudly speaks ill of their women for teehee’s and retweets or a cheap coin or two. You can legitimately talk about an appreciation for Kate Upton’s wavy hair without expressing a disdain for Janelle Monae’s luscious locks. If you happen to prefer Gwyneth Kate Paltrow’s flat bottom over Serena William’s plump rump, so be it! Both are beautiful in their own right. Black women honestly don’t care. What’s hurtful is when you feel a need to insult us, our features, our experiences, our existence itself to justify your dating preferences. If we’re “angry, bitter and mouthy”, it’s because we constantly have to defend ourselves from a verbal onslaught.
Lots of successful (and just as many futureless) Black men are married to white women. However, many more men who pursue marriage are married to Black women.
Overall, statistics show that the percentage of Black women getting married is actually on the rise. The U.S. Census Bureau is also shutting down rumors that Black men are not marrying Black women. Nearly 90 percent of Black men had Black wives in 2010, compared to only 9 percent that were married to white women.
The entertainment and sports industries are not reflective of reality. A Black man like Kanye needs to live in the Kardashian’s parallel universe, because he’s not equipped to deal with the realities that most Black people have to deal with. So yes, in that sense, he was very fortunate that Kim passed over a legion of white men to marry him.
But then that brings me to my original point. Why has no publication ever dedicated as much time to investigating how white men feel about being overlooked in favor of Black men? Are they not a part of this equation too, or are hurt feelings the domain of Black women alone? I mean, I know why this question has never been asked, just as well as you do. The perception is that white men are paragons of virtue and gallantry. He is Hercules; Socrates; Caesar. Even his faults provide models for instruction, which is why men like Bill O’Reilly and Donald Trump can maintain positions of power. Redemption is for white men. If a white woman would pass all of that over in pursuit of a Black male who represents the antithesis of all these things, then she must be a defective, irredeemable model.
And this is why you will never hear the words ‘And when she get on, she’ll leave you’re a** for a black boy’ written into a Top 40 song anywhere, any time, in the history of anything. Because power dynamics.
In conclusion, I would like to speak on behalf of the Black Women’s Delegation and assure we are not jealous and we don’t care. We care about rent. We care about getting the A/C fixed before next summer. We’re focused on making sure our sons and daughters live to a ripe old age and survive this here police state. All these imputed hurt feelings about being ‘passed over’ for white women is nothing more than white noise.
Any white guys reading this today? How do you feel when you see white women with Black men? Does it hurt? Do you feel rejected? Do white women make you feel inferior/inadequate for not having coarse, curly hair or jet black skin? I’m here to listen…